Sunday, December 07, 2008

Ramblings

In exactly a week's time, I will be Mrs T. A part of me is really excited, while a really huge part of me is actually quite sad. My life is going to change and while I am up for it, I feel as though I am leaving a part of my life behind. I know that I am really going to miss my family. My mum and I are best friends and ever since my dad left, she and I have gotten very close. I know she is going to miss me and I really hope that the new year is going to be a better one for her. I really only want the best for her and really want her to be happy. She has sacrificed a great deal for us and all I want is for her to find her happiness. As for my brothers, I just know that not living with them is going to create a real void. M is the really weird one. He is the life and soul of any party, but let him get near a couch - than the world ceases to exist and he just plonks into it and falls asleep. He is such fun and really makes us laugh. He has really got us through some really tough times with his laughter and silly antics. Than there is A - the real moody, playful type. He can be all happy and jovial the one minute and totally sullen and moody, the next. What about my little dog Pixie, who I am leaving behind.

Yes I am not going far away and in my heart of hearts, this will always be home - but as of next week Sunday I will have a new address and a new family. Really big adjustments and changes and to be honest I am not really big on change. However I love T and I can't wait to begin my life with him.

My weekend was pretty busy. Yesterday I went for my final final dress fitting. It is looking really pretty and the designer totally surprised me when she casually mentions as we were leaving that she would like to come and dress me on the day. I was so overcome with emotion and nearly burst into tears. I decided to go for another trial for my make-up, as I wasn't too happy with the first trial. I went to the Mac counter at Edgars and they agreed to fit me in today for a trial. R140-00 bucks later I walked out of there looking totally different, but so totally me. Where the other lady was old and did a whole look where I looked like a walking ad for Plascon, this looked totally and utterly natural. I am impressed, so next week Sunday I will be making my way towards the mall after I get my hair done.

We collected the flowergirl dresses today and I must say they came out really gorgeous. I love the way they look and cant wait for them to wear it on the day. We had guests over this afternoon, but after a while all I wanted to do was sit by myself and have some me time. My cousin F was here and I insisted that we go to Wimpy for supper. I just felt that this will be the last time it will just be us as usual because next time T will be with and it will obviously be different or there might not be a next time for while. I love being with the girls and even though they tire us out most of the time - I still enjoy them.

I have a whammy of a week and I just no that it going to whizz by. We having a henna night on Friday night and I really wanted to get some belly dancers here to provide some entertainment for the ladies. It doesn't look like it's going to pan out so music and some kick ass decor will have to do. We are expecting a number of people on Friday and Saturday night and obviously Sunday is the big day.

Nerves, Nerves and more Nerves and not to mention raw emotion when I think of the goodbyes next week Sunday....

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Guardian Angel

There is a little old lady who one of mum's loyal customers. She is a dear old Portuguese woman, who every time she comes into town, will visit my mum and bring her little goodies. She really is the sweetest old lady by far.

The relationship that she shares with my mum is somewhat a strange one. See she can't speak much English and my mum cant speak a word of Portuguese, yet every time she visits they somehow seem to have a conversation that only they can understand. When my parents were getting divorced, she would pop into the shop every week and tell my mum that she lit a candle for her and us at Church. She doesn't know us by name so she refers to us by - the Girl, the Big Boy and the Small Boy - all said with a very strong portuguese accent. Every time she visits she will bring goodies for each one of us. She gives my mum Rosaries to pray on and she must mention that she lights candles for us every time she goes to Mass.

Even though we are not Catholic, my mum always tells us that you don't know with whose prayers you carry on and succeed. This little old Lady Maria is like our guardian angel who even if she has nothing to buy from the shop, will stop by to bring little sweets, cakes and goodies for my brothers and I.

One Christmas Eve we went to visit her. My mum always buys Christmas Gifts for her loyal customers so we stopped at her house on our way home. She was ecstatic. She insisted that we sit down, poured these tall glasses of coldrink and started bustling away in the kitchen. My little brother and I downed our cokes and when she saw that we had finised it, she proceed to fill the glasses again. She gave us each a huge box of chocolates and sweets and a huge cake and some other little goodies.

It was only natural that we want Maria and her husband present at my wedding. The day mum went to invite her, she was so happy. Yesterday she stopped by at the shop and she had 3 little envelopes. She told my mum that in each envelope was money and she must pass the envelope to the Girl that is getting married and my little brother. The other envelope was for my mum. In the envelopes - R500.00 for me, R200.00 for my mum and R100.00 for my little brother. She really didn't have to, but she keeps saying how can a single mother carry such a burden and she must help her.

She truly is a little guardian angel and I am so glad to have someone like that in my life. She is a gem of a lady and may she always be blessed for she is truly a special lady with a heart of gold....

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Thoughts

As the days slowly creep towards Dec 14th, I can't help but think that this is the last time I will be doing this, that or the other. It feels like I want to savour every moment, particularly those moments that we share as a family. We are a foursome of note and as of Dec 14th, there will be an extra addition to our family. I hope that the fivesome will be just as close and tight as the foursome and I hope that this is a new chapter that will be just as exciting and special.

On Saturday night my mum and I treated ourselves to a Spa treatment at the beautiful Mangwanani. It was a moonlight spa experience and the whole ambience and atmosphere, not to mention the lovely treatments was just what we needed. It was so special as I got to spend some quality time with my mum and we did nothing but chill and enjoy the treatments.

On Sunday we met with the designer who is making the flower girl dresses as well as my mum's dress. They seem to be coming out ok. Just need to check on a few minor details. I am so peeved off at my aunt. She didn't have an outfit to wear, so she also decided to buy fabric and have something made. She met us at the designer as well and when she took her fabric out of the bag, my mum nearly had a heart attack. My aunt bought white fabric that is fully beaded and she wants to have a fully beaded dress made. Silly, blonde me doesn't ever think, until the designer asked me what colour my dress is. When I told her it is white, she said how can your aunt wear white as well. Being quite the outspoken busybody that she is, she very candidly told my aunt to change the lining colour to a more darker colour as a plain white dress is going to make her look very big - and she is quite round and big.

I was quite irritated after that. She thinks the fabric is off white and appears to be none the wiser. But Hello - this is someone who is pretty out there and with it. Surely she knows that you don't wear white to a wedding. I don't understand family - all they want to do is upstage and do stuff that we do. It is really beginning to get to me. What annoys me to no end is that my mum and I will do stuff for ourselves. If we find something pretty, we will buy it and make it work for us. When the rest of the bunch sees this, than they must do the same. It is so childish. I always feel as though they are competing with us.

Yesterday I was pleasantly surprised when my colleagues threw a little bridal shower for me here at work. I was so surprised and shocked. It really was exciting and I received some really pretty presents. I have enough lingerie to last me a loooonnnggg time :) It was really sweet of them and I couldn't help but feel a tad emotional.

We thinking of having a henna night on the Friday before the wedding. I think it will be fun and exciting. It's usually tradition to have a henna night, with some singing, dancing and all round camaraderie. We called a friend of my brother A's last night as she does belly dancing and I asked her if she would come through to do some belly dancing. She wanted to confirm with some friends first and said she would let me know by Thursday. I hope she agrees. I think it will be such fun.

Everything seems to be coming together. I still find myself stressing about little minor things - but I am hoping that it all comes together in the end. T has been stressing major these past few days. He is trying to complete our home, so he in stress mode big time. He keeps saying, I have so much to do, I have so much to do. Yesterday I sat him down and asked him all the things he still has to do. After we went through the list and I asked him by when he is going to finish it, he seemed much calmer. Talk about men totally spacing out due to stress.

I can't believe that the time is drawing so close. I can still remember when we got engaged and set the date for our wedding. Dec seemed so far away and now it is finally here.

I am feeling quite calm - although the hollow feeling in my tummy seems to be growing every day....

Friday, November 28, 2008

Jealous Cow

What is up with people always trying to make things about myself....

Yes - It's the cousin again. I have one word and only one word for her -
Stupid Jealous Cow....
!!!!!!!!!
This and This and a whole lot of other shit has happened over these past few months and now I am just tired of it.....

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Bridesmaid Dress

I started having heart palpitations when I realised that next week Friday is my last day at work. Nervous and scared and excited all at the same time....

I have posted a pic of the bridesmaids / flowergirl dresses. We meeting with the designer on Friday and I am really excited to see what they look like.....




Tuesday, November 25, 2008

A miserable self

What makes some people think that they can treat others how they feel like it. What makes these people so special that they can trample and oppress others just because they feel they have a right to. What right do they feel they have to bully and condescend others?

They treat others as though they are pawns or mere ants in their world. Every single person in this world has a right and they are not God to lay down any law as and when they see fit and God help you if you don't abide by those laws. They hurt people, trample their feelings, undermine their self worth, for what, just because they feel like it. Just because they feel like joking around. If you get upset or angry and if you retaliate than you are wrong and they are the victim.

I am a Psychology Honours graduate and I can't understand this behaviour. I always try to decipher everything or just try and make sense of it all. However in this case just when I think that I have figured it out, something else happens and I wonder if this is just the result of a messed up psyche or pure evil. Yes we know about the abusive childhood and the hurt and pains of growing up, we chuckle about the Stuttaford Van Lines baggage that is being hauled from long years back, but somehow we can't understand what has gone so horribly wrong. Is it frustration or are you just angry. Angry for what we keep asking. You seem miserable and in turn you make everyone around you miserable, you fight and hurl words that hurt to the people who care for and love you the most. Why we keep asking with hurt and pain in our eyes.

Where has the YOU that we know and love gone to. Is he lost forever or is he just hiding behind a front to get what he wants?

Questions that will never be answered, answers that will never come and no form of retribution what so ever.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Calmettes

I feel a little out of sorts today. Not really sure what is happening to me. I feel awful and apparently I don’t look too good either. Or so I was told by someone this morning. Everyone at the office thinks it’s because I was ill for 2 days this week. I feigned a tummy bug and stayed off to do wedding stuff. I know, I know – it is pretty scaly of me but I feel bad asking for leave every time I need to do stuff. Calling in sick just seemed so much easier. Honestly I did feel bad and when I walked in yesterday and my boss asked me in a very concerned way if I was ok. Oh well talk about abusing sick leave. Suddenly this morning I was hit with waves of nausea and I have been feeling sick to the pit of my tummy. I really hope this isn’t karma getting back at me.

At least I got the majority of my wedding stuff done. I have a little confession to make – I am tired of shopping. Yes – there I have said it. I never ever thought I would ever feel like this. I love traipsing around the mall, looking at gorgeous clothes and trying to figure out what to buy. But seriously I am tired of shopping. I have bought a whole new wardrobe. It was fun in the beginning cos I just chose stuff that looked nice no matter what the price. Now I am tired of it. I went into one of the chain stores on Wednesday and as I looked at the clothes before me I actually felt sick. My house is swarming with new clothes, bags, shoes etc etc etc. Hmmm I wonder how long this feeling will last. Don’t get me wrong, I love new stuff and can’t wait to wear them – I just think I have bought enough and I am tired of buying, not to mention broke.

I am feeling very tense and in turn it’s making me pretty miserable and aggressive. Nothing is right - everything is wrong - nothing is wrong - I am fine - just leave me alone. I can feel the knots building in my neck and every evening I feel as though thousands of lead deposit themselves onto me. I am not stressing as in the biting your nails worry worry worry kind of stressing. I think I am stressing in my subconscious. There are all these thoughts and feelings that are swirling around in my head and I am not really sure how to process them. In turn I have turned into Cruella de Vil. I fight with the people who are closest to me, I am testy towards T and I know that it is wrong but I cant help but bite everyone’s head off. I find myself having to count to 10 000 when work colleagues and staff irritate me. I am jittery and nervous and so not me.

I begged my mum not do any wedding stuff this weekend. She brushed me off and started running through a million and one things still to be done. A part of me wishes that it were over so that things can somehow get back to normal. Don’t get me wrong, I have loved planning my wedding, there is nothing more exciting and overwhelming planning everything yourself, but the nerves and stress is starting to get to me now and as the days roll on to the big day it is not going to get any easier.

Calmettes people. I need Calmettes.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Nerves and Excitement

So my weekend was too short. As usual. Why oh why does it feel like that at the end of every Sunday.


Saturday was a really hectic day. I was at the salon at 7am for my hair trial. I must admit that the loose flowing curls came out sooo much better than the upstyle she did several weeks ago. What was I thinking. I guess that's why it's called a trial. I than went to the make-up lady and she did a good job. It is so funny when you don't wear a great deal of make-up and suddenly you look in the mirror and there is a different person starring back at you. At least my appointment was only for 12:00 but the rush was inevitable. It was hectic and soooo hot. I am going to make my hair exactly like this, only thing I want a tiara - cos it looks really pretty.



My dress is looking beautiful. It is not yet finished, in terms of pretty little things. She is still going to put a whole lot of sparklies and bead thingys. I can't wait and my next appointment is on the 29th. On Friday night I was nagging my mum cos I really want to wear a garter. She gave me this funny look and said: "where am I going to get a garter belt for you?" See we don't really wear garter belts, but I want to. So as we were finishing up at the designer - she tells me that she has a present for me. She said that she knows I wont probably wear it, but she made me one anyway. Guess what - it was a garter, all pretty and lacy with a little blue bow. I was so excited. I am not sure what is wrong with me these days, every little causes me to have a lump in my throat and makes me want to start crying. This was one of the many pictures that I gave her andshe is making it exactly like this. Only with a lot more sparklies....






Lets not also talk about nerves. That is another whole story.


Wow - My mum and I have shopped up a storm. Last night I really started bugging about money. I keep thinking that what if we end up being broke after this wedding. Things are sooo expensive and we just shopping and shopping and what with the economic crises. I lay in bed last night feeling a little overwhelmed.




Yesterday we went to drop invites off at one of my mum's oldest friends. She is more like a mother to my mum and always acts like a grandmother to my brothers and I. Lets call her A1. She is over 60 years old, is a lesbian and is getting married at the end of the month. Actually my mother introduced her to her partner to be. Quite a few years ago, the partner A2 had just broken up with her gf and came sobbing and crying her heart out to my mum. Now my mum has a business in a busy cbd and has been there for over 20 years. She has customers who are friends and they all come and say hi, have a cup of coffee and if they need a sympathetic ear they bitch and moan about their troubles. So my mum asked A1 if she would like to chat with A2 as maybe they would understand each other better. Well they hit it off immediately, ended up dating and before we knew it - they had shacked up together. Now they are getting married. We are invited to the wedding - not sure if we going to make it, cos there is something that we planning on the same day.




A1 is the lady who helped me get a part time job while I was varsity. Although at times she can be a tad bit irritating, she has a heart of gold and has always been very supportive to mum. As we sat with them yesterday, it felt odd cos they marrying each other but I am happy for them and may they always be happy.


I still have sooo much to do. Where am I going to find the time.....

Friday, November 14, 2008

Wedding Post.....

I have become a total bitch. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am so blaming it on PMS. But to be honest I have never been this pissy ever. I snap at everyone, get irritated for minor details and as T puts it have become a real meanie. I have no idea what is wrong with me. Stress, Nerves, PMS - who knows.


Anyway I went to the decor lady, Fatima, yesterday and finally it seems that I am getting some direction with my flowers. I think I was confusing myself and was beginning to get highly irritated with myself. I went to a flower farm where I used to live and they have the most lovely flowers at ridiculously low prices. The lady at the farm is so sweet and accomodating and I just hope that she will be able to do what I want. The vases have been a problem because the one that I initially took to her seemed a bit low to me. It is a glass goblet but it isn't very high. So once the flowers are placed in there, the whole effect of the goblet is lost.


Yesterday I showed Fatima, what I want and she brought out a really nice vase that can work. So next week Saturday I will have to drive down and finalise it all. Im just crossing my fingers that it finally comes together because these flowers are driving me a little nuts.




This is what i want. However in my colours of pink and white. I want to put those jelly balls that are the rage at the moment instead of the jelly beans, but I could also alternate. I could put pink and white jelly beans in some and pink and white jelly balls in others. Not sure how it would look though.

I am having a candy sort of theme because for the welcome drinks table, I am having Strawberry Crush in champagne glasses. I want huge glass goblets filled with pink and white marshmallows, pink and white sugared almonds, pink and white sugared peanuts, those little romantic sweets and little bite sized pieces of nougat. So jelly beans in the centerpieces would look ok.

For the wedding cake I have chosen - a tiered cupcake cake. Remember I won the prize at the Expo in April this year, so one of the prizes was a cake from The Cake Genie. I chose a cupcake style cake, cos I sooo love cupcakes and I want it in pink and white frosting with chocolate ganache for the filling. Hmmmm yummy.....

Tomorrow I have a serious wedding day trial run. I have to be at the salon at 7am for my hair trial. I don't think I am going to put my hair up. The first trial I went for, it came out ok but it wasnt me. I think it made me look like a middle aged aunt. So I have decided to go with loose flowing curls. Not sure how my designer is going to do the veil though but I want one of those tiara thingys.


After the hair, its the make up trial at 9am. Thereafter it's off to Pretoria for a final mock fitting. I have to have my shoes, undies, hair and make up done. I am excited to see my dress. The last I saw it - it was a billowing mass of tulle. The top part was just the bodice sans any details. I basically gave the designer the style and type of dress and she was so excited about all the little details. I am really curious to see what she has put on there....


In exactly a month's time I will be preparing to walk down the aisle. In a way I can't wait and am so excited. This morning as my family were having a good old chuckle at me snapping away at them, it hit me. In a month's time I will be leaving them. A little hollow feeling settled in my tummy. I think that is going to be the hardest thing ever. I keep thinking - How am I going to say goodbye? I know in a sense, its isnt really saying goodbye. I am only going to be 5 min away. However deep down I know that it will never be the same. I am also rather weary. T's family is not the most of easiest and I get a little panicky whenever I think of the outlaws.....

Anyhoo - tomorrow is a big day. I hope it all goes according to plan and I hope I get some direction, clarity and finality with everything.

Here's a little picture mosaic that I have done of all my wedding day ideas.


Thursday, November 13, 2008

A decade of thoughts

Everyone seems to be doing this 10 year looking back meme and it got me thinking of the last 10 years in my life.... Besides going back to the place where I grew up on Tuesday kind of made me a little nostalgic.

So here goes......

1998

Hmmmm I was in Standard 9 - young, naive and very stupid. It was a time of serious crushes, that heady feeling of having your first boyfriend and suddenly being all grown up. I had my first cellphone this year. The new older boyfriend decided to give it to me to use. What fun. First of all I had to hide it from my parents. Umm hello it was 1998 - only your parents had a cellphone which was usually some huge monstrosity with a funny looking aerial thingy sticking out. The phone provided hours of fun for the crew and I.... Suddenly we were connected to a world of boys, late night phone calls and excitement.

The phone that provided many a hour of fun, carefree conversation
The summer of 98 was the best ever. We were young and carefree and the future lay before us full of promise. We were 4 best friends, spent all our waking minutes together. Most of the time we were bored out of our skulls but because we were together nothing else mattered.

1999
I was in Matric. A very difficult year. I met someone towards late 1998 and he became somewhat of a Demi-God in my eyes. I was smitten. He broke my heart a few months later. I was 17 and honestly thought I was going to die of a broken heart. I passed Matric with good results and was on my way to University. Wow.

2000
I started university. It felt so weird to be still on holiday when the rest of the people in my world were going back to school in January. I must admit that the first few months of varsity was awful. It took a while for me to adjust but eventually I got there. The man from last year who is now known as the fungus was still around. He couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to be with me or not. The year was filled with delicious highs and crushing lows. Yes there were other guys but this demi God refused to leave me alone.

2001
I moved away from the place where I had grown up in. The last 18 years were spent here and it was all that I had ever known. How was I going to leave my best friend, the fungus who was still very much in my life although his antics were starting to become rather tiresome. It was hard. Things between my parents were awful and eventually my dad left us. I failed some subjects at varsity and the year was a topsy turvy mess.

2002
I don't seem to remember much of this year. I met T and we started dating and although it was weird at first he became a constant in my life. He was always there during the tough times. I graduated from varsity - a proud achievement after failing some subjects the year before, I really had to put in extra effort to complete my degree.

2003
My honours year. Ooooh how I hated it. We had classes at night. The whole day I would lounge around at home and every evening at 5pm I went to varsity until 9pm. It was hard and crappy and fun all at the same time. T and I were still together and as I look back I smile when I think of the fond memories that we both share.

2004
I became an intern. I had to complete 720 hours of unpaid work. Boring! I learn't a great deal but the end of 720 hours couldn't come soon enough. T was still very much a part of my life and even though we had our fair share of dramas we stuck together.

2005
started my first real job. Overwhelming at its best. I was in the big, bad corporate world. Who ever thought I would be doing this?

2006
Climbing the corporate ladder, really proving to myself and others that I could do it. We bought a really gorgeous home. This was a huge milestone in our lives. My dad deserted us in 2001 and times were quite tough. Suddenly things were looking up. Our new home became a real joy in our life and we spent all our time and energy fixing and renovating it. This home has become our pride and joy. It was also a year of serious loss. T decided towards the end of 2006 to end our relationship of almost 5 years. I was devastated and really didn't know how I was going to get through without him.

My backyard!


2007
This to date has been the hardest year ever. Even harder when the fungus couldn't decided if he wanted me or not. I was heartbroken and didn't know where one day ended and the next started. T was still very much a part of my life but we were not together. Seeing him often didn't help much and I couldn't see past the darkness. I couldn't imagine where my life was going. After months and months of trying to get to grips with the fact that our relationship had ended - I realised that I was going to be Ok. I had turned that corner. Yes I still missed him, I still felt like calling him whenever something important happend - but it didn't hurt as much.

Towards the end of 2007 we got back together. After a weary and shaky start we were ok again and he proposed before he left to go overseas. I was shocked and excited and kept it a secret until he came back. The whole experience was a huge learning for me. I also realised that I could live without him. I just didn't want to.

2008
I am still trying to get through 2008. It's been exciting and trying at the same time. As I plan for my wedding which is almost a month away I wonder what the next 10 years will hold. Will it be the rollercoaster that the last 10 were or will be plain smooth sailing. I guess rollercoasters are fun and at least when you look back you realise that the ride was fun even though there were a few bumpy bumps......
But that's what Life's about right!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

As Requested - Wedding Invitations

EXMI has requested that I post more wedding stuff......

So here you go....

Pics of invitations:




The invite... (silver part is where the names are)

Invite out of the envelope

Invite opened up...
Will def post more pics soon.....

Monday, November 10, 2008

Monday

As the weekend came to an end yesterday I had this really crap realisation that today was Monday and I would have to face the day with countless queries of crappy crap cos I wasn't here on Thursday and Friday. We were away at a conference in Montecasino - great place, crap conference. Would have preferred to stay at work, mind you.

My weekend was extremely busy especially yesterday. My mum and the crew were delivering invites and I stayed with my cousin and her 2 daughters. What a rainy and miserably cold day. A thousand thank you's that the weather wasn't this crappy last weekend. After a really great lunch we made our way to the mall and did some serious shopping. The crew met up again with us later after all the invites were given and everyone decided that coffee was in order. We ended up at Wimpy cos the little nieces were insistent on Wimpy. It was more of a little plan of ours cos we were were craving for Wimpy. As we sat down N, my little niece and I quipped that one cant come to Wimpy and not eat Wimpy food. That set everyone in the mood....

The invites came out beautifully even if I have to say so myself. This week Saturday is my final mock fitting. I have to have my shoes, undies, hair and make up done and than she will do the veil. I am so excited. It all seems to be coming together. As for Mr Toad - that is T's dad. I just feel like calling him that. My dad who couldn't give a flying fuck whether I am well or not decided to take a drive to my new home yesterday. I am so disappointed and so shocked. My new home is 5 min away from where I currently live. He decided to go and have a look - so why couldn't he come and see his children for a mere 5 minutes. My brother A is writing Matric - did he even for one second think of calling let alone visiting him to wish him good luck. Oh No. Did he even bother to ask if there is anything that needs to be done for the Wedding. I mean logistically there are tons of stuff that need doing, but he wont bother. I was so irritated and he the fool of fools was so in awe of himself.

Have a great Monday people - I just want to bury my head in the sand....

Monday, November 03, 2008

The Amazing Race....

Hmmm- An Amazing weekend, An amazing time, an amazing dunk etc etc etc .... Amazing - That was the word used quite a lot on Saturday.



Saturday afternoon, the area in which I live in was abuzz with a bunch of screaming females. Picture 30 women, divided into teams with unfamiliar people, a car and a clue each. The grand prize - ME. As they scurried and drove like maniacs trying to find me they were greeted with one obstacle after another. Not too difficult - just a little fun and laughter. It was pure fun watching how they torpedoed through the cafe that I was at to find me. Ridiculous fun.

My mum and aunt planned a bridal shower for me on Saturday. The theme - The Amazing Race. All the guests were given instructions to go and find me. They were divided into teams, given a clue and were told to get in their cars, decode the clue and make their way to the location. As they arrived at each location, they were greeted by an official who made them do silly little tasks in order to get the next clue. They only had 4 locations to go to but by the looks of things they seemed to have had a real blast.

Can you imagine a bunch of women - screaming, laughing, fighting and driving like lunatics to beat each other to the end. It was hilarious. As they stampeded to where I was - I was in fits of laughter. They were out of breath and hot and just sooo happy to find me.

After all the teams rallied around - we went home for a lovely tea filled with yummy food, cakes and chocolates, prize giving and me getting dunked in the pool. So much for the ensemble that I was in. From the compliments all round I do think that everyone had a ball.

I did collect some gorgeous gifts. Lingerie items that made me blush when I opened them up and some beautiful kitchen stuff. It was such a fun time and I cant wait to see the pics and the video footage that was taken.

As for all the other dramas of last week. Nothing much has been said. T's dad has lost the plot and seems intent on winning an Oscar for his tragic performances. It is becomming stale and so disappointing.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Lemons



When Life Gives you Lemons....

Make Lemonade!!!


Ive been thrown quite a few lately.

Wonder if the Lemonade will come out sweet or bitter!


Thursday, October 30, 2008

No Words

Tuesday was a really shaky day for me. I looked like crap, felt awful and left to go home at about 14:00. I just couldn't handle it all. T has been nothing but sweet and understanding but talking to him or even attempting to was just too much for me and I rather just avoided him.

I don't understand his dad. I have known him since I was in grade school. Over the years he has been nothing but super nice and supportive. When my dad left, he was there, a constant father figure in my life never failing to be there when times were really tough. Last year when T and I broke up, he was still always there and although it used to be very painful seeing him because he was a constant reminder of T, he was still the constant person that would never leave.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that there would be an issue between him and I. Yes there are times when he is impossible, when he really can rant and rave about silly little things. But we all know that's how he is and we just ignore him. But lately it appears that everything is a problem. I am not sure if he is just panicking about everything or maybe just maybe he feels that I am taking his son away from him. Father and son are inseperable. I have no intention of ever coming between them but obviously after we are married things will have to change.

I don't know what happend on Monday night. It was a really petty issue that got blown totally out of proportion and led to a whole lot of tears and uncertainty. On Monday afternoon all I could think off was to just walk away - nobody needs shit like this.

T refuses to accept me not wanting to get married. His dad is somewhat of a loose cannon and can go off at any time. He keeps telling me to ignore him. He told his dad that he just blew everything out of proportion and now everything is in a mess. I am weary. I always thought that his dad is my ally, my friend.

It kind of just makes everything a little bitter. Weddings are supposed to be such fun and the planning is filled with excitement and anticipation - this just tarnishes everything.

Oh and another little shocker - my aunt, the one who is throwing me a bridal shower this weekend, has just been diagnosed with cancer....

I have no words!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Crossroads

In 6 weeks time I am due to walk down the aisle. I am supposed to be starting a new life with someone who I love and who really makes my world. Yet here I am tears falling down my face and my heart feels as though it is being hammered into a thousand pieces. I don’t know what is going on and I don’t know where this is going to but I find myself questioning what I am about to do. Do I need this in my life and is it all really worth it.

I find myself wanting to seek refuge, but where can I go and what would I do. I sit alone starring into the abyss waiting to fall off the cliff over which I am teetering. I relive the events over and over in my head and yet I can’t seem to come to any conclusion. How do things go so awry and how is it all supposed to end. A firm believer in destiny – I look up to the heavens questioning, asking Him for guidance. Only He knows best and I rely on Him to protect and guide me.

I don’t have a problem; neither does the man who centres my world. Oh no quite the contrary. The issues and problems have never been between us – they have always been created by someone who thinks he presides over God himself.

I came home and walked into an blazing row, tables banging, people screaming and shouting at each other and mayhem in the midst. Unknowingly I question and question and as I piece the fragments and snippets of conversation I realise that history is repeating itself. 9 months of preparation are being ripped away from me, months and months of planning and organising, tears and laughter and fun and games are being taken away because I am not good enough. Not good enough for who – the man who is the centre of my world, oh no. It is the monster who tries to govern us all. The monster ridicules, belittles and screams like a tyrant. They try to calm him down but he is livid. He is snatching away pieces of my happiness and turns my home into emotional turmoil. I rush to my room tears spilling onto my cheeks – why I question – why. Where is it all going wrong?

I have mixed feelings. I wish I could leave and never return. Another place, new faces, new people and maybe some kind of normalcy that is everyday life. Not this kind of drama and uncertainty. I love the man with all my heart, but is it really all worth it in the end. The monster that is his father is never going to go away. Yes I am marrying the man and not his father – but the tyranny with which he goes about everyday life is not my idea of what life is supposed to be. I lay awake at night last night questioning and questioning. Do I really want to go through it all. I am not even married and I am being mistreated. For what – who knows for what. The monster believes that his authority presides over everyone. He has the final say and that’s that.

Who lives like that? I always believe live and let live. I feel as though I need to make a decision and whatever decision I make I am stuffed. If I stay – this will happen again of that I am sure. If I go – this is it, the end of the road and there is no going back. I love the man – he is my world and he completes me. We get each other totally. I see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But is it really all worth it if things are going to be like this.

I am getting married in good faith, to begin a new life with someone who I love and who I know adores and cherishes me. But I can’t begin my life with this cloud hanging over my head. I always looked up to the monster and I always respected and loved him more than my own father. Than why does it feel like he hates me and is adamant that his son leave me? He totally contradicts himself – one minute its this, the next minute its not. I don’t understand it – but all I know is that I am scared. Scared of what my life will become, scared that the future as Mrs T suddenly looks very bleak. Not because of T, oh no. He has done nothing wrong. It’s his father who has suddenly turned into a monster. It’s silly I know. In today’s day and age – who lives like this? It is the year 2008, not 1942 where women were oppressed and men ruled.

T called me last night and this morning. He sounds terrible and only has reassurances for me. I love you he says, I want to spend the rest of my life with you he begs. I want to melt - but something holds me back. I am scared. Scared that by getting married I am entering into a jail sentence of which I will never be free. I live a very free and independant life and to now go into a life where I won't be allowed to do stuff or go anywhere is going to be very painful. I keep thinking this is madness, who lives like this in today's day and age, but it's the reality. T will never be able to stand up to his dad - why - because standing up to him means that you renegading on his authority and than he starts to use his fists.

The dad is a true psycho nut case. I am sure of it now. He was never like this but it seems that he has lost the plot somewhere along the way . He is devious and even makes Machiavelli look like a saint. Seriously but for a whole long while now he seems to have daggers out for me when to be honest I haven't done a thing. He bought us a house, thats a problem. Did T or I ask for it No. He than decided that it is too small and needs to be renovated, change the windows, extend, build extra garages the whole shebang - did we ask for it, a big FAT NO. However suddenly now its our fault. Things are damn costly and I think he is somehow having financial issues to complete it. When they started renovating the house I was summoned to go and have a look at it. See I just think that it is not my place to say I want this put in or that put in as I am not paying for it - So I kept quite - now that is also a problem. It's always the case of damned if you do - damned if you dont.

I don't know what to do, who to turn to or what to say. I am lost, groping around for answers that only I can give. I am at a crossroads and no matter what road I take it is going to be rocky and bumpy and really hard. I am stuck, alone and really miserable. I look like shit today and people have asked me if I am ok cos I look like I have been crying. I had to give some lame excuse that I am not feeling well and I have terrible allergies. I don't deserve this - T and I are not even married yet and already his dad has issues with whatever I do. And yes we going to live on our own - but living right next door with a whole in the wall for all to come over whenever they feel like it is not entirely living on your own.

My family are disgusted. I can't even face them in the eye. I don't know what to say anymore. This situation looks really disgusting from the outside and if I had to be the one peering in I would have said cut your losses and run. But it is never easy when you are in the thick of it.

I don't know what to do - do I make a run for it and forget about the man or do I grind my teeth and go through with it all not really knowing what the future holds......

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pheeww

I have this sudden urge to write. Not really sure why - but I am just feeling a little out of sorts. Life has suddenly taken a turn down busy lane. In fact busy lane is putting it mildly. I knew it was coming, I guess nothing prepares one for the dramatics of planning a wedding. My mother has gone into serious planning mode. A part of me is loving it while another part of me is really wishing that it were all over and I can sleep a little later every weekend.

My mum has got hold a little bag and it is crammed with papers and a huge file and a notebook and a diary. I managed to bum a really gorgeous little notebook - I love stationary ok - off the stationery and gifting department here at work and am into serious note making mode at any time off the day. See I am a list maker and at odd times I will remember stuff and if I don't write it down the chances of me forgetting are really great.

For the past few weeks I have met with my designer every week. She is fantastic and I would recommend her to anyone. If you are ever looking to have a wedding dress made Catherine's Collections is the lady to go to. She is the most nicest person I have ever met. She makes you feel totally comfortable and is not pretentious and will guide you in your choices yet leave you to make up your own mind. I met with the photographer this past Saturday and she also seems really nice. Her portfolio looks really great and she isn't too expensive. The decor lady is also one really smart lady and really knows her stuff. She is so accomodating. I am meeting with someone from a flower farm this weekend because I am totally clueless with what to do for centerpieces. All I know is that I want Gerberas. There is a farm way out Nelspruit way and the owner very kindly sent me a whole lot of samples free of charge. They are in a vase at home and everytime I look at them I can't help but smile.

There is so much to do and I keep thinking what if it all doesnt happen on time. I stress and I smile and I make notes while T is very busy completing our home.

Excitment, Stress, Smiles and Laughter and fun...... Pheewww

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Update

In exactly 2 months time I will become Mrs T. If that isn't scary enough than I don't know what is. I am excited and I really am looking forward to getting married - it's the what life will be after that, that scares me. His family, adapting to a really new way off life and just what it all entails. A whole lot of responsibility and a whole lot off of life - changing stuff - things that excite me and scare me all at the same time.

I finally went to the gym yesterday. Shooo - It was hard but I enjoyed it. After 2 months the treadmill really felt good. If only I can keep it up now....

I am soooo stressed out.....

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Little Angels

I dedicate this post to my cousin Doc and his lovely wife S. The 2 off them have just added a little extra addition to their family. They have adopted their second baby boy after only 2 years. These 2 got married in 1999. Boy wasn't their wedding a ton off fun. It was his 3rd marriage, mind you and her second so it was really teeny, tiny - but it really was a great weekend.

They have been trying for all this time to have children and if there were any 2 people who are meant to have a whole house full of children it is these two. After every imaginable fertility treatment of falling pregnant they decided to give up trying and just made peace with the fact that they would never have children. All in all S has lost about 13 children. It was the saddest thing and yet she remained as positive as ever and is the most nicest person in the whole wide world.

And than in 2006 they were chosen to adopt a little boy. He is this little adorable little munchkin. Last year I flew down with my two nieces N and N for his 1st birthday party. It was this whole Noddy theme and he was dressed up as a real life Noddy. His parents dote on him all the time and it really is sweet watching them. Yesterday the agency called them and said they could come and collect their baby. We chatted to her last night and she said she knew about the baby but wasn't sure if they would give him to them because there were quite a few other parents. So yesterday she was quite amazed when they called to tell her. Turns out that this little baby is actually little Noddy's brother.

I am totally ecstatic for them. After years and years of longing for a child they now have 2.

Congratulations Doc and S - May your little newfound family always find happiness and contentment and may these 2 little angels bring you immense joy....

Monday, October 06, 2008

Wedding Plans - Shopping

Planning a wedding can be sooo much fun. It really is exciting. On Saturday morning my mum and I took on the challenge of looking for fabric in Lenasia - Lenz as it is famously known. The place was bursting with people, it was hot and by 3pm we were tired and oh so worn out. At least we got some gorgeous fabric at really ridiculously low prices. I chose a really lovely pink for the bridesmaid dresses and came across a style that is going to look really pretty. Well I think it's going to look pretty ok.... :)



We than met with the lady who is going to sew the dresses and she also seems really nice. My 2 nieces N and N were first choices for the bridesmaids / flowergirls and than at the last minute I decided on a gem off a little girl. She is so cute and gorgeous and is only 3 years old. How cute is that...



On Sunday I met with the lady who is doing my invitations. She is so reasonable and her cards are unique and really out off this world. They are all handmade and really beautiful. I chose one that is actually brand new. She made it as a sample for someone and the lady didn't like the outcome - well anyway I chose it and she said I can collect the sample tomorrow. How exciting.



I am due to meet with the caterer on Wednesday this week. It's all coming together and really does make for some exciting times.



Other non related wedding issues is that the Rumour actually is true and is not any odd rumour. Well I don't really know all the details but yeah she does think that my brother wants to have something with her. They work on some projects together so naturally they do talk and have to work together. The fool offerred to help her out with something and now her whole family thinks that they are back together. Her brother had the nerve to tell one of my family members that they are an item and he had promised to marry her. Well my brother denies it and I am not really sure what to believe. I have very plainly told him that if she is who he wants than by all means we will not stand in his way. I just don't want him to get hurt in the end. I get the impression that he is really confused. I just know that they are up to their old tricks again of luring him.

I really want to get back to the gym - why can't I find the time.....

Monday, September 29, 2008

Weekend Ramblings

So I decided that the story about my brother was actually just a rumour. I for one second do not believe it and if it is true than there is nothing really that I can do about it - so there - I have decided to forget about it.


My weekend was spent in a shopping haze. I don't know how much we spent on clothes and food and wedding stuff. See we stop fasting tomorrow. So on Wednesday is Eid. A day off celebration and coming together for friends and family. It is lovely day filled with tons of food, pretty clothes, meeting friends and family and altogether a huge cameraderie. I love it - we not a very big family but just being together is what counts. This year we will be having Eid at our house. My mum is firing on all cylinders to get the house cleaned up, the food done on time and everything done before Tuesday.


I woke up this morning thinking about Eid when we were little. All the festivities began the night before. My mum would bath us and than we would wear brand new pj's, slippers, new undies - everything had to be new. The night was spent putting henna on our hands and nails and the next morning one woke up to the smell of food and lovely baked goodies. It was divine. My dad and brothers would go to mosque for the Eid morning prayer while we stayed at home and layed the table with every imaginable little treat and delicacy. The lovely Eid breakfast is a tradition that we still do today. Lunch and dinner was always spent with my grandparents - I really miss them during days times like this. They just seemed to make everything a little extra special and not to mention that we would always be given loads of cash as presents. As one grows older the celebration becomes a little different. Yes there is still those same traditions because I can tell you that nothing's changed except that you are now older and things that once fascinated and enchanted you don't have the same effect anymore.


I had an appointment with my designer on Saturday. My word - I had to drop down to my undies. I was so shy - I am usually like that. She is the most brilliant person ever - she made me look at my body in a totally different way. She is so pleasant and put me totally at ease. I must say that I am starting to get excited. The rest of the weekend was spent shopping and shopping and more shopping. It was fun and a little frustrating at times when all you looking for is something spectacular and all you can find is crappy items.


My nieces and nephew visited last night and I must admit that I really missed them. I haven't seen them in ages and although they are really naughty and usually turn our house into chaos the minute they get there, they are little cuties and I love them to bits.


I am tired and a little worse for wear this morning. I am also a little saddened by the fact that Ramadaan is coming to an end. It is a month that is filled with such peace and calm and spiritual upliftment and when the month ends it's like all this ceases. A month where one finds oneself and is left pondering on the quality of life that we lead. I guess every month should be like the month of Ramadaan - but somehow we get caught up in everything else.


I must say that I am really looking forward to the next 2 days off....

Friday, September 26, 2008

Rumor has it

Hmmm what would you do if you heard something about someone and you have to tell them what you heard but you know that if you do they will definitely get upset. Do you think keeping something away from someone is a test of one's character?

I really don't know what to do. I heard something yesterday about my brother M. Him and I are really close so it wouldn't be too hard to confront him about it. However I know that if I do - he is going to get upset with me and there is always that possibility that it aint true. I know everyone at home was wondering what was up with me yesterday. I heard the news just before I left to go home from work. I'm not sure what to do - and to be honest it's eating at me.

See about a year ago M got involved with this girl. She was all innocent and pretty looking, however deeper truths revealed a real horror off a girl. She went out off her way to manipulate him and to be honest she didn't treat him very nicely. Now M and his antics around women can leave one gaping at the mouth He is 22 years old, is more in lust than in love and can have a whole string of women at any given time. Being that he is rather good looking doesn't help much and I usually can't help but feel sorry for all these poor girls who seem to fall in love with him within mere minutes of meeting him. I always tell him that with him it's too many women too little time.

And so he met this girl lets call her X. I don't think he was as serious about her and she was about him and did everything in her power to manipulate the situation to get him to marry her. She would call him over telling him that she was alone at home only for him to get there and find that she wasn't there but her whole family was. When he would call to find out where she was - she would nonchalently say that she is out shopping with her mum but he can bond with her dad and brother. There were a whole lot of other antics that she got up to that eventually led to the end of that. Now in the Muslim community - of which everyone somehow knows everyone - these sort off things are really are a mystery. Boy likes girl, boy and girl decide to date, the parents are none the wiser, they duck and dive to meet each other, eventually the parents find out and bam they start planning your marriage, deciding what to name their grandchildren etc etc etc. It is all kind of old fashioned but yeah that is what the Indian community is like. So X and her family went out off their way and every time they met members of my family they dropped subtle hints as to when this two would tie the knot. My brother being the little player that he is - was just having his usual fun and games and was none the wiser that X was plotting and scheming to get a ring on her finger.

Eventually after much dramas their relationship ended. M ended up looking like a complete asshole because in his opinion he is not wanting to get married anytime soon and they were merely dating. In her opinion she had the wedding planned and organised and was merely just waiting for it all to happen. That didn't end very nicely but we all thought that it was over. M is back to his old tricks and seems to be enjoying being quite the Don Juan. Yesterday I heard some news that just made me wonder if him and her are not an item again.

I know I must sound like a paranoid fool and maybe it is none of my business - however this girl has caused enough havoc in his life that I really don't want him to get hurt again. I mean hurt in the sense where she manipulates him to her own advantage. M is such a softie and straight as an arrow and being a man - they become dumb to such feminine wiles.

I don't know. Should I mention it to him or should i just leave it. Ultimately it is his life and maybe he really loves her there is nothing that any off us can do. It's just that this girl together with her family have done enough damage to not make me like them. I guess my opinion is the last that matters and who am I to stand in the way off two people seeking happiness.
I am just concerned this is my little brother we talking about here and if X is up to her old tricks again than I just feel that my M needs to know about it. Up to the end of their whole tirade - she used to go around telling everyone that him and her are an item when they so clearly were not. It was only after he called her and told her to leave him alone and they were clearly not together did she finally leave him alone. So I am not sure if this is just she getting up to her old tricks again or if there is some truth in it. Or who knows - it might just be the odd rumor.

What can I say?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Crap, Crap and more Crap

The world is a troubled place and I am smack bang in the centre of it....

Sooo Sooo glad that tomorrow is a holiday......

Friday, September 19, 2008

This and That

It's Friday, the weekend's finally here, we about almost down to the last 10 fasts for Ramadaan and Summer looks like it's finally on it's way. Oh and there are less than 3 months left for my wedding. Time is racing on towards Dec 14th. Oooohhh Shivers!!!!

Work's been relatively quite this week. Touch wood - I am so not complaining. There have been no dramas or hoo haa's lol. Maybe that's because the big pirahna who usually goes out of his way to make our lives miserable is out of the country. I'm not sure when he will be back but he will be ready to make blame us for everything. Anyhoo I guess that's just how things are and there is nothing really one can do about it.

We brainstormed the Christmas strategy for December and I think it's going to be ultra cool. There is so much planned to happen but I can't tell a soul about it. Something about being ahead off the competition. Lol. It really is exciting being part of this side of the business. I must say I am really loving it.

I have no plans for the weekend. I really want to visit this shop in Cresta called Soda House. I heard that they sell lovely fairy dresses. I am looking at them for my flower girls. I have a pic that I took from a magazine - not sure if I should have them made or just buy them. Any takers on where I can find a fairy dress or fairy dresses.

The rest of the plans seem to be coming along nicely. Just have to iron out a few minor details and am hoping that it all gets sorted out soon. Crossing my fingers here.

T got his new car yesterday. Am so excited for him.... After months of waiting for it he finally collected it. It is gorgeous and I am so happy for him.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Why I Love SA - Meme

A Proudly South African Meme, inspired by EXMI:

Rules:
Link back to the Meme creator - Caz
Link back to the person who tagged you - Me
Give at least 5 reasons why you love SA
Let Me know once you've done it!!!

1. The divine weather that is not like any other place in the world.
Summer is my absolute favourite. What would the world be like without
the scorching sun blazing bright in the blue blue sky and those long
sultry summer nights with the breeze blowing gently and the mozzies and fireflies lighting up the night. Oh and don't forget those highveld storms!


2. I love the strong unified nation we represent whenever there is something huge going on - whether it be a sporting event or a huge crises like Load Shedding or Xenophobia we all stand together.

3. Nelson Mandela. This great icon just seems to make everything a little extra special.

4. The Rainbow Nation - we are truly a nation of all sorts. We have different tastes, cultures, lifestyles etc etc which makes us stand out to the rest of the world.

5. We are a nation of firsts. The first democratic nation to have two anthems, the first heart transplant, the first African on the moon, the first African country to host the Soccer world cup. There are a whole lot more and I am sure that there are a number of firsts still waiting for us to grab.

6. I love the wonderful people of this land. How each will go out of their way to help one another, how despite what is plaguing them at any time, they will always find time to smile and offer a helping hand and how even during adversity and challenges they will find it in their hearts to help and assist.


In July this year at our Annual conference our very American CEO during his presentation highlighted some fast facts about South Africa. I must admit that it really made one feel proud to be part of this country. I thought I would share it:

The rand was the best performing currency against the US Dollar between 2002 and 2005

South Africa has 55,000 high net-wealth individuals holding at least US$1million in financial assets

South Africa has the 27th biggest economy in the world

The JSE Securities Exchange is the 14th largest equities exchange in the world

The South African oil company Sasol has established the only commercially viable oil-from-coal operations in the world.

South African Breweries (SABMiller) ranks as the second largest brewing company in the world. It supplies up to 50% of China's beer.

Durban is the largest port in Africa and the ninth largest in the world.

Since 1994, 500 houses have been built each day for the poor and 1,000 houses per day have received electricity.

There are 39 million cell phone users in South Africa

South Africa has the world’s largest deposits of gold, chromium, platinum & manganese.

The only street in the world to house two Nobel Peace Prize winners is in Soweto. Nelson Mandela and Archbishop Desmond Tutu both have houses in Vilakazi Street, Orlando West.

South Africa hosts the largest timed cycle race in the world (the Cape Argus Cycle Tour), the world's oldest and largest ultra-marathon (the Comrades Marathon) and the world's largest open water swimming event (the Midmar Mile)

South Africa will become the first African country to host the Soccer World Cup in 2010 … and only the second country in the world to have hosted the Cricket, Rugby and Soccer World Cups.

Since the 1940s, South African golfers have won more golf majors than any other nation, apart from the United States.

Afrikaans is the youngest official language in the world

Ok - I tag:

Angel
Sleepy Jane
Boldly Benny
Blonde Blogshell
Electric Spaghetti

Come on guys - This was really Fun!!!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Off Balance

Why does the world seem a little off balance? There are just too many bizarre things going on right now that is making me wish for Murphy and his bitchy girlfriend Karma to go on that long overdue holiday and never find their way back! Drama's galore!!!!

I'm getting a new laptop today. Can't wait - I hope it's as snazzy as it sounds.

I read the most amazing book over the weekend. Goodnight, Beautiful by Dorothy Kroomson. I couldn't put the book down and was in tears most of the time. There are some books that really move a person and this is one of them. The story is about 2 best friends bound together by experiences that truly make their friendship a unique one. As life unfolds and each go their seperate ways they are still the number one force in each other's lives until life's realities take over and this becomes a test to their friendship. It is about sadness and loss and pain and that ultimate person's presence in your life that can make anything seem better if only they were there. I loved reading it and if you get a chance to read it you wont be disappointed.

I am not sure if it's out here in SA. I work for a well known retailer and was lucky enough to get my hands on an unedited bound proof. I feel soooo chuffed.

The wedding plans are really starting to stress me out. I feel overwhelmed and I am not sure if whatever I am doing is the right thing. I keep thinking that I am running off time and we wont get things done and it will all be a big old mess. I think I am just feeling a little overwhelmed right now and need to refocus and re-energize my thoughts.

I think that's where my feeling of things being a little off kilter are stemming from. I just wish that everything can fall into place without the usual nail biting drama......

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Cravings


Yesterday I sat and twiddled my thumbs. I was counting the hours until the day was over so I could go home. And today - I have been soooo busy it is crazy. I'm just glad that the day is over.


The insurance have at least come through and will be honouring the claim in full. I guess it will be kind of fun going shopping. I called all the service providers and it was kind of exciting calling everyone and making arrangements to go and see them. I am getting all psyched up about this wedding. I do tend to worry and freak out at the best of times but I am confident that all will go well.


I am really craving for Lunch Bar today. On my way home there is this huge mega size billboard with a truck carrying a Man Size Lunchbar. Every day on our way home I drool over it. Fasting the whole day makes one crave for all sorts of funny stuff. Yesterday after my post about current addictions I had to have Nik Naks last night. Today I have to have a lunch bar. I am actually salivating thinking about it.....


The week is coming to an end. I have a venue and a caterer. I only now need to sort out the finer stuff like flowers, dresses for the flower girls and most importantly the invitations. This was a much better week than the last however things seem to pop up daily. Just today after thinking that finally I had reached a milestone, I was pulled back by some or other crap. I guess that is the nature of it all, because we depend on other people for service delivery we have to bear the brunt when they don't perform or deliver. It will get better - I hope.....

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Current Addictions

Another Tag Victim - ME!!!! Grrrrr


I've been tagged by the lovely Caz.

I tag -
Angel
Princess Diaries
Twenty Something and Clueless
Sweets

P.s. If you have already done this please let me know. I'm a bit behind with what's been happening in Blog Land of late.

Now... the rules:
*Post at least five current addictions (with some details please)
*Mention the person who started this game of tag (Being Brazen) and also the person who just tagged you (in my case, CAZ).
*Type your post with the heading "Current addictions"
*Tag at least two people and pass on the above rules.

My Current Addictions:



Softlips ( I so can't live without this)


Creme Soda - I say Soda Creme. I am sooo loving this right now.


Gerbera Flowers - A must must at my wedding.

Niknaks. Hmmmm


Shane Ward - Damaged. I'm not sure why though!

Stresses

I have spent the last 2 weeks stressing about work, wedding venues, my cousin who decided to leave her husband after 5 days of marriage, my upcoming wedding and a whole lot of other minor little things that just seem to pop out of nowhere.

Well at least the work issue has been kind off sorted. My boss was away for 2 weeks which felt more like 2 years. The amount of crap that went on here while she was away made me very nervous and I honestly thought that when she gets back there is going to be a huge explosion to that of Pearl Harbour. We had a long discussion about everything and all she did was put me at ease and make me feel a whole lot better. I explained to her how I kept feeling like I was failing and not meeting her expectations. She very nicely told me that in no way must I feel like a failure and she is very impressed with all that I have been doing. I must admit that this week seems to be going a whole lot better.

I found a new venue and really had to grovel for them to give it to me. See there are some people from my distant past who are using the same venue on the Saturday night. Why to they have to come and get married where I live - surely there are places where they could have hosted their wedding right in there hometown. Anyway the schlep will be that the place will have to be all clean and ready for my wedding. The lady has given me her word that she will get her people to clean up the place even if they have to work through the night to make it ready for my wedding. I have booked a really cool lady to do my decor. Her ideas are mind boggling and she really is a wonderful person. I am just crossing my fingers that nothing else goes awry now. I still have to sort our my flowers and centerpieces - my mind kind of boggles just thinking about it. I'm sure she will give me some ideas.

I have to start calling all the service providers from the prize that I won in April. I have an appointment with my designer at the end of September. I have met her once and she seems really nice. I find myself getting all excited and than I start to stress. I know I shouldn't but I do - I guess it's only natural. I worry about the wedding, my new life with T, leaving my home and setting up domesticity in T and my new home. Scary scary thoughts.

My cousin S and all her antics really haven't eased up my scary thoughts. I mean she got married on the Saturday and 2 weeks later the whole thing had come to a screaming halt. She and her hubby A cut their 2 week honeymoon short and she came straight to our house all teary eyed and sad looking. We empathised with her, spent hours talking to her and listening to her and believed her every word. All we did was think A was the worst person ever and crucified him for every action that he had done. However there was a piece missing. We couldn't understand how things went so wrong. She made all sorts off accusations and we believed them. Most of their issues were bedroom related. She was adamant and refused to go back and insisted that she was repulsed by him and didn't find him attractive blah, blah, blah. And we believed it!

That is the hardest for any of us to come to grips with. She duped us into thinking that he was this asshole. He has come out with his side of the story - why he didn't do it that time is beyond me. His version is one that can make you sick to the pit of your stomach. While the 2 of them were on honeymoon, she kept on receiving calls from other guys. She was permanantly chatting to other guys using mxit, texts and phone calls. When he questioned her about it she got all angry and defensive. She claims he raped her. Ummm first off all how can there be rape in a marriage and secondly he has come out saying that it was more like the other way round. She has told every Tom, Dick and Mary everything about their sex life - things that will one blush. She has no qualms about telling everyone how crappy he is in bed.

Her colourful past is now coming to the fore and the things that she has done give the word slut a whole new meaning. I can't believe all the shit she has gotten up to. Every man was fair game to her. The things that we have heard about her have kind of made us all sick with disgust. A still wants her back regardless of what she has done. My opinion - all what is happening is her own fault.

I really hope that I can get the chance to blog more. Things have been crazy of late and I haven't had time for much lately. It's the 10th fast today. It seems to be whizzing by......

Monday, September 01, 2008

Ramadaan

Today marks the day of the beginning of Ramadaan. It is a month in which all Muslims around the globe partake in fasting from dawn till dusk. The month long obligation is filled with prayer and reflection. As Muslims we are required to sympathize with the poor and the hungry and reflect on our existence within society. The purpose of Ramadaan is to cleanse the soul, while reflecting on past sins and gaining closeness to God. Observing the fast is supposed to bring upon a sense of peace, calm and serenity.

It isn't really difficult and just when one gets used to it, it comes to an end and the month is over. I always reminisce back to when I lived in a small predominantly Muslim community. The whole community would be observing the fast and almost every evening little plates of food would be sent across to neighbours to share in whatever exciting food was made for the day. There was a special camaraderie about and the entire community was abuzz.

I haven't blogged in a while. There is so much going on at work, in my personal life and at times I begin a post only to have to stop and do something really pressing and urgent. The venue that I had booked for my wedding decided to really screw me over and gave me a quote of
R78 000.00 for the use of their venue. This does not include the food and when I questioned them about it because the initial cost was going to be
R7500.00 including tables, chairs and crockery. The rest of the decor was extra. The owner of the place insisted that she only has tables, chairs and crockery to accomodate 180 people and they will have to hire in the remainder at my cost. This was not communicated in the initial paper that was given to us when we paid the deposit. I ended up having a fight with her because in my opinion that is false advertising. I was shocked at the exhorbitant price and they have refused to budge so I spent the better part of last week searching for a another venue. I don't have many options because most of the nice places are already taken. I have a few options but the stress and misery was just too much to handle for me.

The stresses at work also did nothing for any of my personal stresses and I found myself on more than one occasion feeling very miserable and depressed. Some of my business partners are really hard to please and find fault with everything that happens. Petty little issues become really huge and get blown way out of proportion. And my boss was away so it just made things 10 times worse. She will probably hear all about it and I am stressing big time. A lot of things were out of my control and I tried damn hard to make things work but with these people its never enough. I really feel like throwing in the towel which is so unlike me. I have never felt so overwhelmed in my life and I keep thinking that I am failing. And after what my boss told me a few weeks ago I keep thinking I have failed her as well.

Hmmm and than there is my cousin. It appears that she had lied about everything that happened on her honeymoon and I have reason to believe that she is not as innocent as she looks. Really not sure what in the world has overcame her but me thinks that there is someone else involved. I just cant get over the fact that she openly lied to me and I was such a gullible fool to believe her. Her Oscar performance is one that will stay with me for a long time. Her antics and the things that she apparently got up to is another post altogether

I hope I have a better week than the last one.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Soap Opera

The past few days have been topsy turvy with enough drama to make up a day time soap opera. My cousin S is back home after her honeymoon of 2 weeks. She is back home as in never going back, as in on the verge of divorce. Yeah - that is the shocker that has got everyone in the family reeling.

S got married on the 9th of August. On Monday afternoon she left to go on honeymoon and from day one it was just one disaster after another. The issues range from him not talking to her at all, ignoring her, not making any form of conversation and last but not least rape. She cut the honeymoon short and got dropped off at our house on Thursday evening. She looked battered, sad and miserable. She stayed at our home on Thurday evening and we spoke to her for a really long time trying to make sense of all that had gone wrong. Her husband the dropped her off without a care in the world. He didn't call her or make any contact with her since he dropped her off on Thursday evening. All his family wants to do is reconcile the two but he hasn't made one positive step in that direction.

Her parents came to get her on Saturday and there was a lot of tears and anger at him. They met with him and his dad and eventually when the the meeting concluded they all decided that it was over. However I still think that they are going to continue pursuing the issue. She on the other hand wants nothing to do with him - she is repulsed by him. I am not sure exactly what he did to her but there is something and I have this feeling that it is something really terrible. I keep thinking back to that advert that Charlize Theron did a few years ago on "Real Men Don't Rape." In my opinion it all boils down to that.

I feel so sorry for her. Who gets married to get divorced 2 weeks later. I mean a honeymoon is supposed to be a really happy time and all she can say is that it was the worst 2 weeks of her life. I keep thinking I am also getting married in a few months time and the thought is just making me very scared. But in her case she didn't really know the man she was marrying. She met him in March, got engaged in April and got married in September. Too soon in my opinion to be chosing this person as one's life partner. He seemed to be a decent great guy and just turned out to be a real asshole.

Yesterday was very emotional for everyone and because we were in the thick of it - there were times when all I wanted to do was cry. I keep thinking that all these months were spent in preparing for the wedding. She was on this high and although at times she was a real bridezilla she planned everything herself. All the planning and the hive of activity has to end in such sorrow and pain. I am disgusted at him and keep thinking that if I have to see him there is no telling what I might do. For me he is the lowest of the low. Pond scum if you ask me.

In the middle of all this drama we were robbed last week Thursday. I am not sure if our domestic is involved but there are certain things pointing to her and I keep wondering if it is just pure coincidence or not. The drama of reporting it to the police and insurance is just proving to be another mission and I really hope that it isn't going to be a repetition of what happened 2 years ago when we were robbed and ended up being really short-changed regarding a claim that we had made. It's as though things are just going pear-shaped and I keep wondering what happens next. I'm crossing my fingers that nothing else happens.

Everything just seems to be a bit off kilter at the moment.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Dear Mr Con Artist

Dear Mr Con Artist

Who gave you the right to come into House No 2 yesterday afternoon, posing as some assessor or evaluator and than proceeded to steal every piece of jewellery in our home. Who or what gives you the right to rummage through our cupboards and personal items and what an audacity you have to pick and chose what items you want. You very nicely took all the gold and shiny stuff. The diamonds, the pearls and the rubies and left all the silvers and faux stuff. You took things things that do not belong to you, things that are off a great sentimental value and can never be replaced. Things that have been in my family for generations, you took it with you only to make what a couple of rands.

Dear Mr Con artist what gives you the right to go into people's homes and pretend to be doing a certain kind of day job. What makes you so special to take things that other people have worked damn hard for and what makes you think that you have a right over other people's belongings.

I don't know whether to laugh at your audacity or cry at the sheer helplessness of it all. You took my engagement ring, my gorgeous jewellery set that T bought me when we got engaged, my late grandmothers chain that glimmers and shines like a little pot of gold. These are just some off the stuff and as I look at the empty holders and cases my eyes well up with tears.

But dear Mr Con artist - you don't care. House no 2 was all in a days work for you and today you are probably conning some other home full of sentimenal valuables that can never be replaced. See Mr Con Artist why should you care. You don't need to work for what you want, you have the nicest job in the world - Affirmative Shopping in other people's homes.

That's the reality and there is absolutey nothing I can do about it -

So Guess what

You Win.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

So many things - So little time

I am back in the land of the living or more like the working. I was actually back yesterday and I typed this whole long post and somehow or the other it didn't save and I couldn't post it. So much for technology. So here's me trying to play catch up and trying again.

I have so much to write about and am not really sure where to start. I wasn't in the office for the better part of last week. Our annual conference started on Tuesday evening and ended on Friday. It was long and at times highly boring and at the end of it all I was more tired than a hard week at work. The fact that the weekend before we were at my cousin S wedding didn't help a bit. Trying to function on very minimal sleep is a really downer when all you have to do is concentrate and not appear rude as each speaker presents. It was hard work I tell you.

Let me recap a little:
On Saturday 9th of August we woke up super early and made the great trek to the North West. It was sunny but cold and when we arrived there, there really wasn't much left to do. The bride looked as though she was about to kill someone and looked so miserable. I don't know if it was just nerves or was she really pissed off at someone. I kept thinking Oops here we go again - Bridezilla. I was musing whether she would be at least smile as she walked down the aisle.

I went to my hairdresser the day before and she twisted my hair with newspaper to get my very straight hair curly. I probably looked like a walking birds nest as I walked out off there and scurried on home. After a very uncomfy sleep I woke up and let one loose just to see the effect. It looked lovely but was a bit too tight so I decided to open them up, donned a beanie on my head and was on my way. The curls were made on dry hair with no mousse or hairspray so they were supposed to fall out and look all loose and flowing. As if? Luckily I took my Ghd with and ended re washing my hair and straightening it out to look all sleek and pretty. Pheew that was a disaster in the making. So much for smart and funky hair.

The wedding was lovely although her colour scheme of bright green, pink and black fell kind of flat and her minimal use of decor kind of set a very dull and drab tone. Nonetheless all went well, she looked lovely and the wedding was over. It was freezing cold and attempting to walk in killer sandals with your toes icy cold is a mission and a half.

The next morning woke up and drove back to Joburg for another function that was being held in honour of the married couple. At this point all I wanted was my bed but had to get all dressed up and sit through lunch and dessert. The function was ok and we ended up having a really good time. It's really great when everyone gets together, pity we all have such busy lives to enjoy each others company more often. The function was over way too soon and after saying all our goodbyes we made it home craving for a hot shower and a warm bed.

Last week was just horrendously busy. Monday and Tuesday I was at the office but super busy as I needed to complete everything before the conference started. Tuesday evening there was an awards function and a colleague who I used to work with in my previous department was awarded for something that I had done. I was upset about it. I didn't want to be awarded and don't get me wrong this isn't a case of sour grapes, but I worked extremely hard on the project alone with no help and she gets the credit. I was shocked and really didn't know what to say. It is unfair and I guess when you suck up to the boss than that's what happens.

The conference itself was very informative. Although it was long, I learn't a great deal and they ended it with a really great presentation by Robin Banks. The presentation was very insightful and really hit a few home truths with me. It made me realise that positive thinking is way better than being bogged down with silly negative stuff. He is way hilarious and had us in stitches for the hour and a half that he presented to us.

I went and saw my decor lady this weekend. Wow was I impressed with her goodies and her ideas just roll out from her mouth. I have decided that she is my new best friend. I am really beginning to stress about the wedding. I feel there is so much to do and there are only 4 months left. It is scary and overwhelming at the same time.

This week is proving to be kind of challenging. I feel that there is so much to do and having lost out on a practically a whole week is making me feel very overwhelmed. Also dealing with child-like customers who feel like throwing mini tantrums seems to be the order off the day. I hope it gets better.....

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Catch Up

I am exhausted. I can't believe that tomorrow is already Friday. It's as though the weeks whizz by and I know that before long it's going to be my wedding day. There are days when I can't wait to be with T, to live with him and spend all my time with him. Yet there are days when I get a little scared and antsy about the future. T has such wierd parents and they just seem so strange. I am not marrying them right but it's not like they are going to go away or we are going to live in a different city to them. I also am going to miss my family like crazy. My eyes well up sometimes when I think about it. We share such a strong bond and a relationship that only the 4 of us can understand. I know that I will miss that the most.

I'm not really blogging about anything in particular. I find myself pressed for time these days. There is just so much happening in my world that I hardly have time to blog anymore. I miss it though. I have to admit that I am loving what I am doing. I love my new boss. She is so cool and sassy and fun and at our one on one today she told me that she is just loving having me in her team. It made me feel really great. I love being in her team too. She is really supportive and is putting me up for challenges that is really stretching me. Sometimes I feel a little overwhelmed but I am really enjoying it. If someone had to ask me about this role last year I would have scoffed at it and said I would hate it. But this is what you get for trying. If I didn't heed her advice and applied I wouldn't have known what it would be like. Im loving it.

It's my cousin's wedding on Saturday. She is such a bridezilla and I am quite interested to see her antics on Saturday. The last few months have been an endless array of fussings from her side that I am very curious about her. I hope it all goes well for her and all their plans and preps come out beautifully. Im not really looking forward to the weekend though. We leaving early on Saturday morning for the North West province (of all places), the wedding is on Saturday night and than on Sunday we come back to Jhb for another function that her husband and them are giving. So yeah there goes my entire weekend. At least we booked into a hotel for Saturday night and not just crashing at my aunts place. When my cousin S got engaged we stayed the night and the next morning ended up having a very cold shower and no fruit juice for breakfast. I'm complaining I know.

At least I get to leave early tomorrow. I am going to have something weird done with my hair - hope it works and comes out looking pretty....

Im just so glad that the week is almost over. As T likes to say its Quarter to Friday....