Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
We received our payslips today and finally it confirmed the share payout amount that we are due to receive at the end of this month. I was wondering about the value of our share payout cos with the scary economic times I thought that maybe it wouldn't be as great as every other time. I want to put that money towards my wedding. Another great weekend lifter is that I will be getting my new salary as well. A great fat paycheck at the end of this month. Hmmm wouldn't I like to take that amount home every month. Dreams Girlfriend Dreams.
I was pretty pissed off with my cousin again today. After the whole debacle 2 weeks ago we just ignored her and although what she did and said was pretty hurtful we are so used to people turning nasty when you don't expect it so we just did what we always do. Pick yourself up and continue walking. So she sms'd my mum this morning with a very sorry Suzie attitude. She than has the nerve to say that she is not sure what me and my brother M told my mum cos my mum didn't even phone her after she sent an sms to apologise. She is still my mum's daughter and loves her blah blah blah.
What a load of Blegh. I was seething when my mum told me. Conveniently now she decides to put the blame on M and I. I really had a good mind to call her and tell her exactly what I thought of her. I have one thing to say to her. What gives her the right to treat people like shit and than expect them to just forget about it. She said some really mean and nasty things to me and now she blames me for telling my mum crap about her.
I was so irritated. She did the exact same thing just before my engagment party. She made it all about herself and was pretty rude and nasty. She needs to apologise to me for all the crap that she told me and even than I wont allow her to have a say about anything. I can't understand the nerve of some people. She thinks she can tell anyone whatever she feels like and than when she feels like being nice again than everyone must just forget about it. I'm sorry my friend - it doesn't work like that. She does that to everyone in our family. She fights with my uncles and aunts and can be rude and nasty to anyone at the drop of a hat. So what makes her so special to treat people the way she wants to treat them.
I was so livid and I told my mum that you can sit and play her silly games but I for one am not interested. She crossed a line and I don't think I want to allow her back into my life to hurt me and be nasty all over again. My mum entertains all their shit and that is why half the time they all take advantage of her. I am so sick of it.
On a lighter note - I am so glad its the weekend. My mum and I are going shopping for clothes for my cousin S wedding. I hope we find stuff cos all the nice stuff is more for summer. That is why I chose to have my wedding in summer.
Besides I love Summer....
Thursday, July 24, 2008
I woke up at 5am this morning to the sound of something scratching away at the wooden flooring in my room. It seems I have a little visitor that is scaring the living daylights out of me. We have a little mouse in our house that is intent on scaring me. I keep seeing it everywhere and everytime I yell and scream for someone and they come running ready for battle it disappears.
Last week Wednesday just before I got into bed I heard it on the side of my cupboard and screamed for my brother M to come and catch it. It was hysterical watching him trying in vain to catch the little rodent. After that I have been seeing it all over but never in time to let it get caught. Not by me oh no. The first thing I do when I see it is jump up onto something away from the floor and scream blue murder. So this morning Stuart Little (that's my new name for it, although our Stuart isn't half as cute as the real one) decided to pay me a visit again. In my sleepy terrified state I just leapt off my bed and crept into my mum's room and into her bed. She had such a shock and thought it was time to get up.
I made M look for it this morning but it wasnt there anymore. It appears that this wretched little thing is intent on scaring me to death. The situation in our home right now ever since Stuart Little decided that he wants to be the 5th addition to our family is similar to that of the movie Mousehunt. It's hilarious how everytime Stuart decides to pop his little head my brothers come running only to see it disappearing somewhere where we can't find him. Oh and Stuart is one persistent little rodent. He really wants to be a part of House No 2 and cleverly dodges the traps we keep setting for him.
Frustrating and Hilarious all at the same time.....
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Did I mention that I absolutely love my boss. I keep thinking that oops if I say that she might turn out to be a meany - by I really like her and she is uber cool and loads of fun while doing really serious work. It's really great working for someone who believes in you. Sooo different to my previous bosses who would frustrate me to no end with their clueless I don't know what to do next kind of manner.
T and I were on a warpath of note this week. I don't know what was wrong with me. I am blaming it on pms but everything the poor guy said or did just pissed me off to know end. He is also rather stressed out and with his family life nothing is ever simple or easy. I feel him so sorry for him. I guess I was being a real meany but ive said sorry and all is OK....
As for my cousin - that is a different story. I don't know if I will ever be able to allow her to get close to me again. To be honest I was upset last week. She said some really horrible things to me and even though I in a very nice way put her straight I still got upset with what she said. I don't live with my dad. We have a pretty non-existent relationship and we are more like very strange acquaintances than father and daughter. I am so ok with it. Yes granted there are times when I wonder what it would be like to have my dad in my life permanently. But my cousin didn't have to so candidly tell me that if you had a dad things would have been very different for you with the wedding. Why cos dad's don't usually like to spend and maybe he wouldn't have allowed you to spend on stuff that you really wanted. That was mean and nasty. You don't tell people stuff like that - its just wrong. And besides why should she worry about my financial affairs.
So yes she did tell me things that are of no concern to her, but she did and I don't know if I can look past that. I am not usually like that. I am the most forgiving person I know and am not one to bear grudges but in this case she drew a line and I just don't know if I will be able to look past it. She has no right to comment in my life and besides she got upset first. A really silly reason to get upset because she doesn't have any right to tell us what to do and what not to do. I wasn't going to let it get to me but I was upset about it. The sick conversation that we had last week kept on playing in my mind. However I have decided to just ignore it and not let her or anyone for that matter get to me.
Im sooo glad it's the weekend. Oh and by the way I really need to get back to the gym.....
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
I met this guy when I was in standard 9. He was 4 years older than me and being 16, young, naive and very stupid I was over the moon that an older guy was interested in me. Here was someone who was working already, earning pretty good money, had a fancy car and was pretty ok in the looks department and he was wanting to be with me. I was smitten. We started dating towards the end of 1998 and than I started matric and all was fine. I had to concentrate on my studies and eventually the ass dumped me. I was devastated and miserable and thought my life was over.
I always say this that eventually I would have gotten over him, I mean I was young and there were tons of guys my own age who were interested if only I gave them a chance. This guy I call him the fungus - was intent on not letting me forget him. Instead of leaving me alone and letting me move on he would still call me, ask me out, visit me etc etc etc. And silly stupid me I would fall for it every time. We had a relationship that was more like 1 week on 2 weeks off. 3 weeks on 1 week off. My entire existence was filled with delicious highs and crushing lows. We would go out on a date, spend time with each other and have a really good time and than he would drop me off only to vanish of the face of the earth for a few days or weeks. I would be devastated and miserable and eventually just when I would make peace with the fact that it was over all over again he would come back and charm me back into his web.
It was a miserable time of my life and while I had to concentrate on doing well in school I was always anxious and miserable because he was consuming my thoughts day and night. I started university and it was even worse. He wanted me and didn't want me all at the same time and he didn't want anyone else to want me either. It was sickening and sweet and miserable and great all at the same time. I would live for those calls from him which half the time never came.
Than one day towards the end of my first year at university I met a mutual friend. I hadn't seen this friend for a while and we spent the entire day just chatting and catching up. In conversation this guy casually mentions that the guy in question got engaged and is going to be getting married soon. It felt like the wind was knocked out from me. I played it cool and pretended that I had known about it all along. This filthy lying rotten piece of shit was calling me all the time while he was engaged to someone else. I maintained my composure but kept on mulling over whether it was true or not. I only managed to get hold of the stupid fool the next day and when I confronted him he calmly told me that yes it's true he is engaged to some girl and his family are all very happy blah blah blah. I was devastated - told him to leave me alone. He didn't - he kept on calling me and I kept on avoiding his calls. It was miserable. He refused to leave me alone. Eventually I had it - screamed and shouted and told him to leave me the heck alone.
He did for a while and than started calling me again and told me that he had broken it off. Like a fool I was once again sucked into this madness. This carried on for a while but eventually I got tired of the games. I think I was growing up. It seemed childish and there were other guys who were much nice to me than him. And than I met T and he made this guys seem like a total loser.
He used to still call me until about a year ago. He always thinks that he can click his fingers and I will come running. But now I am wiser and I know better. I think the best satisfaction was one day when he called me to meet him at a shopping centre for coffee. I agreed and made all these elaborate plans of where and when we were going to meet. He waited for me and I never pitched. He called like a hundred times and I just didn't answer. He was livid but you know what they say about payback. I did it to him quite a few times. Every now and again he will call me or sms me and I will just ignore him. Last year he added me as a contact on mxit. I don't really use this chat service but there are times when I will go online to catch up with old friends, acquaintances etc. He anonymously added me and eventually I picked up that it was him. He never fails to amuse me about how childish he is. I always wonder what in the world did I see in him. Naivette and a whole lot of stupidity thats what I say.
So anyway he happened to be online last night when I logged on and he wanted to know how I am. I lied told him I was on holiday in durban, having the time of my life. He wants to take me out for old times sake cos he happens to be going to durban tonight. What a laugh - I vaguely brushed him off. He is 30 years old, still single, still living life as though he were 18 or 20. He keeps getting engaged and breaking it off - so ive heard. To be honest I don't care. I was madly in love with him and he took advantage of me. I honestly thought at 17 that I would die of a broken heart. I'll bet that he is still doing the same sort of things to other unsuspecting girls. That's just how he is. A lame assed loser who thinks he is some hot shot guy.
He will never compare to T. Looking back I realise now that he was this self-centred asshole who only thought of himself and didn't think twice to mess around with people. I guess life is filled with all sorts of experiences. If we didn't have rotten and weird experiences what tales and stories would we have to tell. I don't regret meeting him. I just regret allowing him to consume my life and wreak havoc with a time in my life when I was supposed to have been having carefree fun....
Thursday, July 03, 2008
I'm having my cousin's bridal shower on Saturday. We doing a whole Chinese theme - I just hope that all goes according to plan. My efforts to the China Mart these past few weeks have resulted in me finding some really cool stuff to use as decor. The menu is also Chinese - which I have delegated to my mum. I have some games planned for the ladies and than she will have to guess the pressies and be punished if she guesses them incorrectly. I asked every guest to please include a special recipe and I will get my nieces to file it for her on the day so that she goes home with a recipe file full of unique recipes. Im excited and i'm sure will be fun.
I'm stressing about asking my new boss for a days leave next week. I need to go and sort out my invites as well as have a look at some decor and flowers for my own wedding. It cant be done over a weeekend as the places that I want to go to are only open during the week and a Saturday morning which is not convenient for anyone. So my initial plan was to go this week Wednesday and I would have just called in sick. However with Murphy on my side who can ask for anything more - I got sick last week so I cant really call in sick this week. I'm not sure what I am going to tell her, I just hope that she doesn't mind too much.
My new department is really challenging but I am so loving the challenge. At times things seem pretty daunting but it's stuff that i enjoy so im not really complaining.
T is in the process of sorting out our new home. There is quite a bit to do with regards to painting and putting in new windows cos the current ones are sooo tiny. He is so excited and I just end up looking at him in wonder and telling him that whatever he wants is ok. I must admit that I am a bit skeptical of his parents tastebuds - they also have a ton of ideas with regards to what goes where and how things should look and their ideas are a little on the wierd side. Everything that he wants to do or rather that they want to do - he asks me first. I don't want to sound like a gremlin but for crying out loud i'm the one that's going to have to live with it. I am so in awe of him being so excited about redecorating. Im so chuffed at him.
I find myself getting excited of our life together. I often wonder what it will be like and I guess in a few months time I will know. Than again I sometimes feel a little scared. I am a huge scaredy cat for change and I wonder how long it will take me to adapt. I also get a bit weary of his family being so close to us. I just hope and cross my fingers that they wont interfere. They have never been nasty or ugly to me and they always make me feel very welcome when I visit them however I just feel that they are very different to my family and the way we do things. I think that scares me a bit. I don't ever want to be in a situation where I have to complain to T about his family. I don't want to put him in that situation where he will have to chose between me and them. So that is why I just hope that they don't have these unrealistic expectations of me. I am marrying their son not them.
I know one thing though that I will miss my family like crazy. Yes, its all about starting a new life and I cant wait to do that with T, but I will miss my family. At least I am not moving away to another city and will literally be just 5 minutes away. I feel the tears pricking my eyes when I think of not living with my mum. She and I are as close as two best friends. We share everything and I know that me getting married is going to change a whole lot of things. I also worry about her. Ever since my dad left she and I have become even more close. I am her pillar of strength and support and I will always be there for her but after I leave things will be different. But I shall leave that thought for another post....
Im just sooo glad that its almost weekend. I have a hectic weekend ahead of me but this has been a very loooooonnnggg week....