Friday, July 04, 2008

Ex Files

I spoke to my loser of an ex boyfriend last night. I say loser because he takes the term loser to an entirely new level. I cringe whenever I think back to how besotted I was with him and how I allowed him to totally consume my life for 2 and a 1/2 years. He is 30 going on 18 and acts like a total idiot most of the time.

I met this guy when I was in standard 9. He was 4 years older than me and being 16, young, naive and very stupid I was over the moon that an older guy was interested in me. Here was someone who was working already, earning pretty good money, had a fancy car and was pretty ok in the looks department and he was wanting to be with me. I was smitten. We started dating towards the end of 1998 and than I started matric and all was fine. I had to concentrate on my studies and eventually the ass dumped me. I was devastated and miserable and thought my life was over.

I always say this that eventually I would have gotten over him, I mean I was young and there were tons of guys my own age who were interested if only I gave them a chance. This guy I call him the fungus - was intent on not letting me forget him. Instead of leaving me alone and letting me move on he would still call me, ask me out, visit me etc etc etc. And silly stupid me I would fall for it every time. We had a relationship that was more like 1 week on 2 weeks off. 3 weeks on 1 week off. My entire existence was filled with delicious highs and crushing lows. We would go out on a date, spend time with each other and have a really good time and than he would drop me off only to vanish of the face of the earth for a few days or weeks. I would be devastated and miserable and eventually just when I would make peace with the fact that it was over all over again he would come back and charm me back into his web.

It was a miserable time of my life and while I had to concentrate on doing well in school I was always anxious and miserable because he was consuming my thoughts day and night. I started university and it was even worse. He wanted me and didn't want me all at the same time and he didn't want anyone else to want me either. It was sickening and sweet and miserable and great all at the same time. I would live for those calls from him which half the time never came.

Than one day towards the end of my first year at university I met a mutual friend. I hadn't seen this friend for a while and we spent the entire day just chatting and catching up. In conversation this guy casually mentions that the guy in question got engaged and is going to be getting married soon. It felt like the wind was knocked out from me. I played it cool and pretended that I had known about it all along. This filthy lying rotten piece of shit was calling me all the time while he was engaged to someone else. I maintained my composure but kept on mulling over whether it was true or not. I only managed to get hold of the stupid fool the next day and when I confronted him he calmly told me that yes it's true he is engaged to some girl and his family are all very happy blah blah blah. I was devastated - told him to leave me alone. He didn't - he kept on calling me and I kept on avoiding his calls. It was miserable. He refused to leave me alone. Eventually I had it - screamed and shouted and told him to leave me the heck alone.

He did for a while and than started calling me again and told me that he had broken it off. Like a fool I was once again sucked into this madness. This carried on for a while but eventually I got tired of the games. I think I was growing up. It seemed childish and there were other guys who were much nice to me than him. And than I met T and he made this guys seem like a total loser.

He used to still call me until about a year ago. He always thinks that he can click his fingers and I will come running. But now I am wiser and I know better. I think the best satisfaction was one day when he called me to meet him at a shopping centre for coffee. I agreed and made all these elaborate plans of where and when we were going to meet. He waited for me and I never pitched. He called like a hundred times and I just didn't answer. He was livid but you know what they say about payback. I did it to him quite a few times. Every now and again he will call me or sms me and I will just ignore him. Last year he added me as a contact on mxit. I don't really use this chat service but there are times when I will go online to catch up with old friends, acquaintances etc. He anonymously added me and eventually I picked up that it was him. He never fails to amuse me about how childish he is. I always wonder what in the world did I see in him. Naivette and a whole lot of stupidity thats what I say.

So anyway he happened to be online last night when I logged on and he wanted to know how I am. I lied told him I was on holiday in durban, having the time of my life. He wants to take me out for old times sake cos he happens to be going to durban tonight. What a laugh - I vaguely brushed him off. He is 30 years old, still single, still living life as though he were 18 or 20. He keeps getting engaged and breaking it off - so ive heard. To be honest I don't care. I was madly in love with him and he took advantage of me. I honestly thought at 17 that I would die of a broken heart. I'll bet that he is still doing the same sort of things to other unsuspecting girls. That's just how he is. A lame assed loser who thinks he is some hot shot guy.

He will never compare to T. Looking back I realise now that he was this self-centred asshole who only thought of himself and didn't think twice to mess around with people. I guess life is filled with all sorts of experiences. If we didn't have rotten and weird experiences what tales and stories would we have to tell. I don't regret meeting him. I just regret allowing him to consume my life and wreak havoc with a time in my life when I was supposed to have been having carefree fun....


boldly benny said...

I could so relate to this post.

I guess the assholes help us appreciate the good men in our lives - just wish it wasn't at the expense of our emotional well-being.

Blue Sunflower said...

Hi Benny

Yes the assholes... I like the sound of that cos thats exactly what they are....

I guess without the trauma and misery we wouldn't appreciate the good guys that are out there....

angel said...

oh you are SO much better off without the narna!
good for you!