Thursday, July 10, 2008

Pissed Off

I am at a lost for words. I have a cousin who I have always looked up to and really adored since I was a little girl. She is a number of years older than me and since I don't have any sisters of my own and neither does she I have always seen her as my sister. We have grown pretty close over the years. I absolutely adore her kids and even though they can be pretty brattish at times - I nontheless love them to bits.

We spent yesterday browsing around looking at ideas for invites, flowers, colour schemes. It took the better part of the day and we were pretty exhausted by the end of the day. I managed to chose a colour scheme, make some headway with invitations and get a rough idea of my wedding day itself. And suddenly a really nice day went totally pear-shaped and awry. She and my mum began squabbling about something silly like organza bags. I got irritated with the two of them and commented that nothing needs to be decided right now. We still have a while to go before we start focusing on nitty gritty issues like freaking organza bags. Well she refused to back off and my mum got pretty irritated and eventually she stormed off and left. Not before making a huge scene and upsetted everyone with my family and hers all smack bang in the middle of it.

I am highly irritated with her. I always value her opinion and look up to her for ideas and direction but I also know something and so does my mum. Also this is my wedding and now suddenly its what they want - so what about what I want. She called me this morning to justify her actions and I very quickly picked up on the fact that she is jealous. For what I have no clue. She got married over a decade ago and obviously what was in than is so not in now. She went on to add that she wasn't allowed to have really pretty and nice things because of budget constraints etc etc etc. Umm Hello how in the world is that my problem.

I have chosen the lady to do my invites - yes its a little bit pricey but it includes everything. There is nothing that you have to do that is extra and they are really stunning. She is not happy with that. She wanted me to chose really hideous flowers and I just ignored her suggestions. I really like the Gerbera Daisy. It's what I like and not once did my mother comment about the price etc. She turned around and said that it's an expensive flower and the arrangements are going to be pretty expensive. I don't know who gave her the right to comment about financial affairs regarding the wedding when my mum and I who is going to footing the bill for this wedding has not once commented on money being an issue. I very nicely told her that money is not something that should concern you.

But this is how she is. She always wants to get her way. In every occasion she always wants to take credit for the glamour work and will ensure that she worms her way in giving the person no time to say no. She even had the nerve and the audacity to tell us who to cut off our guest list and who to invite. I was still very much trying to stay neutral last night but after this morning I am very pissed off with her. I don't like talking about money. Yes I will discuss financial situations with my mum and my brother cos that is my family cos that directly affects our lifestyle but I don't think how much my wedding is going to cost is any of her business. Yes weddings cost money but that issue is totally unrelated to the issue at hand. She is making an issue about the invite that I chose, the number of guests that we inviting, the colors schemes everything. Why I have no idea. I told her in a very firm but nice way today that this is my wedding. Its what I want. My mother respects that all the way and will guide me at every turn. Not once did my mum say I cant have something because of cost etc. I am also trying to be reasonable and not make unrealistic demands. However that is for us to decide. Nobody gives her the right to butt in and tell us what to do and where to get on or off. Its none of her business what everything costs. Yes I value her opinion but its what I want at the end of the day....


sleepyjane said...

Oh I totally agree with you. She doesn't really have any say and you should just ignore her.

As you know my friend is getting married next year and she asked me to be pretty involved. I knew that this could generate some issues so I said that I won't butt in and if I do she has to call me on it. I know it's her day, and her choices so I try and suggest a few things but I don't harp on when she looks less than keen.

I'm sorry that she's making this so difficult for you but you're right. It IS your day and you should have it as YOU want. Otherwise you'll regret it.


twentysomethingandclueless said...

everything you're feeling/thinking is totally valid! she's probably just jealous that she's already married and won't have another day just about her - it must be the attention and feeling special! hope it gets better

Blue Sunflower said...

Sleepy Jane -
Thanks. I have decided to just ignore her totally. Its my day and what I want counts and thats final..


TwentySomething -
Thanks for the msg. I got the same impression from her. Jealousy is a nasty thing. And you are so totally spot on about the attention and feeling special bit.
Ive decided to ignore her...


angel said...

oh i am so sorry she's being so interfering...
planning a wedding is hectic and OFTEN causes grief in a family- be it about what someone wants or the cost or the seating...
its hard enough on a bride-to-be without someone deliberately complicating things!
she has nothing to "justify" as it has nothing to do with her.