Losers.....

I haven't been blogging much and although the urge hits me often, I don't have much time. I keep saying that I don't have the time, but I blog mostly at work and things have been hectic. It appears that things have taken a turn for the better here at work. Touch wood. I keep thinking that my luck is going to run out and things are going to start going pear-shaped again. The last few months have been pretty rough but I think I have weathered the stormy waters.

The main person who used to make my life a living nightmare, the MD for one of the departments that I look after, has actually come around. He now says thank you when I take him stuff and doesn't treat me like an idiot. I keep thinking that today something will happen but I am confident that things have gotten much better. My boss even seems a bit different. Maybe the complaints have stopped so she doesn't have need to be irritated. I received a few calls last week from employment agencies and I did send them my cv but to be quite honest I don't think I really want to leave right now.

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. I am really grappling with the fact that the band's family haven't mentioned a word to me regarding his sister's pregnancy. I know that it is none of my business and that it does not concern me. However I am a member of their family, I do see them everyday much to my irritation and when I see them they are pretty normal and they talk about everything and everyone under the sun but this. I do feel like an outsider and yesterday I just lost it. The band and I had a huge argument and everything that I have been bottling up since all this started came out. I guess thats why they say that one shouldn't bottle things up. I didn't want to make a big deal about it and kept thinking to myself this is not about YOU, but to be quite honest it is a big deal and it does bother me.

Ever since the sister announced that she is pregnant, they fawn around her like she is some fragile doll. Yes she is with child but don't they care who the father is, is she going to bring this little being up alone, do they not care what their daughter gets up to. Or maybe then they do all know and I am the one in the dark. It's such a twisted story that totally gets me in a tizz and seriously upsets me every single day. I am really battling to make peace with it. I keep repeating this mantra that it is none of my business and does not concern me.

I voiced my feelings to the band yesterday and even though it came out through an argument, I am glad that it has come to light. I am glad that he knows how I feel and I hope that this gives him some food for thought.

In other news, I received some extra cash last month as part of a performance bonus, it wasn't a lot due to the company not meeting all targets etc, but it was something and I purchased a set AMC pots. Hmmmm who ever thought that I would be excited at purchasing pots. They are absolutely lovely and have a lifetime guarantee. My mum has a set and I am so used to them that I had to get my own. Even though I don't cook everyday thanks to mother - I love cooking and I think that the pots are truly an investment.

So here's to happy cooking and less feeling like a loser regarding other people's scandals..... :)

Woes....

I don't know. To be quite honest I am not in a very good space right now. I keep saying I don't care and it's not my problem or its not my family so why should I bother - but honestly I can't seem to move past it and I can't seem to understand why. I am so not like this but....

The Band's sister is pregnant and I supposedly don't know about it. I only know whatever he has told me and that isn't much anymore. Initially when she told him, he seemed really worried about the dad's reaction and we spoke about it and he was really confused about how this all came about. Than about 2 weeks ago the bombshell dropped and nothing. The disaster that we predicted didn't happen, infact quite the opposite. The Band told me that his dad is upset about this but he feels that now at least he will have his own grandchildren instead of spoiling others. The band than one evening very proudly commented that he is going to be an uncle and can't wait to buy the baby fancy branded name clothes. That was when I made a pact with myself not to discuss this with the Band any longer.

I did't want to know what was happening. It sickened me. I don't have anything against single moms or having children out of wedlock. Please I do not have my head buried in the sand but these are people who are quick to comment and judge on other people. They have no qualms about jibing at others, blabbering an opinion or merely just discussing any body who they feel like discussing for the moment. The mum as soon as she sees me will fill me in on everyone's gossip. Like I honestly care. I just felt that I couldn't share the band's excitement because it goes against what I believe in. Besides if she has someone serious, shouldn't she bring him home and maybe get married. Nobody knows, or maybe I just dont know who the father is. Yet she keeps proclaiming to work late - when isn't that excuse is what got her knocked up in the first place. Maybe I am old-fashioned or old school but it just doesn't sit right with me.

Nobody has mentioned a word since all was revealed. I supposedly don't know. To be quite honest, I feel like an outsider. Umm hello what do they think that I don't know anything, that the band and I dont communicate. The band doesn't really say anything anymore either. It is like a non-event in our life and yet he is always hovvering over his sister like she is some fragile doll. I know I shouldn't care. It's got nothing to do with me but what about principles. Do I as a member of their family not have a right to know and what happens when she starts showing. How do they explain that one?

I feel like an outsider.

Miserable

Sunday's Post......

There have been a number of happenings in the world of Blue and to be quite honest some not very nice happenings. I have been meaning to post day after day, but the pressures at work keep mounting everyday that I don't know where the day goes by. In some ways I enjoy it but there are some pressures that really place a spoke in the wheel and keep me from carrying on. I keep feeling very disappointed by my boss. More than ever I keep thinking that she just a wolf in sheep's clothing and nothing more. As long as she is delegating and you sucking up to her - that life is good. I don't suck up - but many off my colleagues do and to be quite honest it irritates me. I have realised that I need to move on - but where and to what is the million dollar question. It seems that directionless is what I am????



In other news, The Band's sister is pregnant. She very calmly told him about 2 weeks ago via sms and he nearly had a coronary. T's dad is a traditional Indian man who lives by values and morals that are very old school. The Band was totally beside himself. Not even a year ago she was dating a non muslim guy and the dad totally flipped his lid. So the sister Kitty (as in Kitty Cat), told her brother about it and than for the next 2 weeks kept totally mum about the whole situation. She asked her dad to take her to their family GP, which was very unusual because in her texts to her brother she was talking about having an abortion. Nobody really knows what happened at the doctor 2 weeks ago but last week Wednesday she had an appointment with a gynacologist. She was referred by the GP. She asked the Band to take her but he was busy at work so she was forced to go with her mother. She came home with a scan, prescription for pills and told her father that she is pregnant and plans on keeping the child. When the Band asked her who the father is - she very plainly told him that she doesn't plan on involving the father of the baby.



Strangely enough the Dad hasn't flipped out, he hasn't ranted and acted like a raving lunatic. The man has a heart of gold but he can be very irrational at the best of times and more often than not will jump the gun. So everyone here thinks it's pretty normal. There is nothing to it and even the Band is so excited that he is going to be an uncle. I supposedly don't know. Nobody told me a thing except for what the Band tells me. She is still so arrogant and doesn't bat an eyelid at passing snide comments and being ugly. I very politely told the Band that I feel like an outsider. I supposedly am part of their family and nobody is telling me a word.


Friday was the Band's birthday. I really wanted to spoil him, bought him a really snazzy wallet and booked reservations for us at Kashif's in Fordsburg and I planned a braai for Saturday night. Actually the Dad insisted that we must have a braai for the Band. My MIL - who is an absolute cow of note - didn't help me with a thing. She totally ignored the issue and complained about the fact that the Dad wanted to have a braai at all. I mentioned to her what I was planning to make last weekend and she just nonchalantly brushed me off. I am not a last minute type of person and I don't believe in doing things in half measures. The fact that it was the Band's birthday I really wanted to make it special. Come Saturday morning I went to MIL's house to ask her for sum stuff and she very candidly asked me what we were doing for tea? I couldn't believe my ears. What were we going to do for tea? Who cares? Who bovvers? I proceeded to tell her that I asked my mother to bake cos the last time we ordered for this home industry type shop in Fordsburg the things were not sooo great and besides it's cheaper and my mother loves baking and she offered. She didn't say anything just told me that she didnt have anything to do so she could go gallavanting about. Those were her exact words. I than went off to my mum to help her finish the last minute stuff and I planned on making this really divine ice cream cake.



I came home on Saturday afternoon and found the band in a foul mood. The band confronted his mother about not helping me with anything and she had the nerve to tell him that she offered and I told her not to do anything. AS IF? I was shocked. I planned the party down to the last detail and everything was more than perfect and I spent half the night in a complete daze feeling very very miserable. Kitty had to go to work to fix some problem and only came home at 6pm. If I were her parents I would really think about this. She always claims that she has to work late and on weekends and now she came back Knocked Up. Hmmm - I wonder if they really are bright enough to think about that one. But no she is the queen, nobody dare question her but she has every right to question everyone. I am so sick and tired.


I just feel so miserable about everything right now.....

Joys of working in HR

There is a lady here at work who we hired in January this year. As I work in HR, I was instrumental in her joining our organisation and with her knowledge and experience, she was the perfect candidate for a very senior role in the department. Unfortunately this appointment has turned into a disaster off dynamic proportions. From day one, there has been one issue after another.

Lets call her Marsha. Marsha is about 52 years old but carries on more like 82. The day she arrived and was shown to her office, she couldn't understand why she didn't have a corner office with a view of the highway outside, than she wanted to know why she couldn't have a PA, than she totally gave us the runaround regarding her relocation as the company paid for her to come up to Jhb from CT. These little logistical issues were minor compared to the drama that unfolded on their first trip overseas.

Marsha has no sense of urgency and goes about the day in a daze. All her knowledge and experience counts for nothing because she wants to do her own thing and unfortunately in a corporate environment there are protocols and processes which cannot be challenged. She never meets deadlines and infact does not know what she is doing.

As all these dramas unfolded, HR were called in and we agreed to begin the performance management process. In this way her work would be closely monitored, timelines given to improve and interventions put in place to get her up to speed. Unfortunately this process instead of helping Marsha to get up to speed has proved to be quite painful. All the interventions like training that we have provided to her, she has not attended.

So the situation has gotten so bad that the entire matter has now been referred to our Employee Relations dept to investigate the matter. Marsha in question slanders anyone who she can slander. She told the MD of her area that I as the HR person is biased against her and in the performance management discussions I take sides. She tells me that I am the only person in the organization that understands what is happening to her and even after all this crap we must remain friends. She told my boss that I made her an offer where she can resign and we will offer her a 3 month settlement and she told the HR director yesterday that when all this came to light I told her not to worry her line manager is a drama queen. AS IF???

I was so annoyed yesterday and obviously even though my boss didn't sound like she believed her, it still remains a he said / she said scenario. I cannot get over the gall off this woman and if it should proceed to a disciplinary enquiry, which I am sure it will, all this nonsense will come out. I know I did nothing wrong but I can't understand how a person at this level of seniority can behave in this manner.

Aah the joys of Human Resources.....

Latest Update....

I have been M.I.A for a while now. I wish I could regale this post with exciting happenings and exotic experiences, but unfortunately my happenings have been filled with pretty arb things...

Latest happenings in My So Called Life....

• I got contacted by the Wellness Manager from our Wellness Centre at work requesting my services for counselling on an adhoc basis. This is just what I have been looking for as I need to complete a certain amount of hours doing counselling and therapy in order to become accredited.

• I have learn't that it is best not to lie to the most important people in your life. Even though you might think that they wont find out, they do and the implications can be quite disastrous. To be quite honest I do not have a crooked bone in my body and things do catc up with you even if you think they wont.

• Sometimes it is best to keep quite about something that you might know. By confiding in someone only quantifies the issue and makes one speculate about the most insane things....

• The Band has a real sweet side - which makes me love him even more.

• Trying to process increases for staff during such critical times is quite a tedious task.

• The Weschler & Co sale which proved to be quite fun on a Friday afternoon amongst the chaotic horde of females all looking for a quick bargain.

• I really miss having a strong cultural presence in my life. I miss my granny....

• I wish that I could just ignore the little irritants in my life. Particularly my MIL and her antics.

• Chocolate, Chocolate and more Chocolate.....

De-Motivated...

Why are there days when I have so much to do, that I barely come up for air and than there are days when I have absolutely nothing to do. The days drags and I do feel useless and totally unproductive. I am really seeking or rather searching for something and to be quite honest I am struggling a bit. Work for some time now has been really challenging for me. I must admit that although I enjoy a challenge and actually do quite well under pressure, I feel very demotivated. I really feel that I need to do something different, something that will not only challenge me but will also stimulate me. Why can't I be one of those lucky one's who say I love my job.

I was convinced yesterday that I was pregnant. The monthly crimson wave was 3 days late and I had convinced myself and my mother that this was the case. I even bought a home test but than this morning all was revealed and it so happens that I am not pregnant. To be quite honest, I don't feel ready for that just right now.

So although I feigned an illness on Saturday, nobody ended up going to the Party, so at least I didn't have to pretend that I was having a fabulous time. Sunday T and I spent around Sandton City. It was fun and a lazy day.

I feel very de-motivated when it comes to work..... Too many happenings and a boss who doesn't seem to really care is what is frustrating me at the moment. How much more harder must I try??????

A little piece of heaven....