No Words

Tuesday was a really shaky day for me. I looked like crap, felt awful and left to go home at about 14:00. I just couldn't handle it all. T has been nothing but sweet and understanding but talking to him or even attempting to was just too much for me and I rather just avoided him.

I don't understand his dad. I have known him since I was in grade school. Over the years he has been nothing but super nice and supportive. When my dad left, he was there, a constant father figure in my life never failing to be there when times were really tough. Last year when T and I broke up, he was still always there and although it used to be very painful seeing him because he was a constant reminder of T, he was still the constant person that would never leave.

Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that there would be an issue between him and I. Yes there are times when he is impossible, when he really can rant and rave about silly little things. But we all know that's how he is and we just ignore him. But lately it appears that everything is a problem. I am not sure if he is just panicking about everything or maybe just maybe he feels that I am taking his son away from him. Father and son are inseperable. I have no intention of ever coming between them but obviously after we are married things will have to change.

I don't know what happend on Monday night. It was a really petty issue that got blown totally out of proportion and led to a whole lot of tears and uncertainty. On Monday afternoon all I could think off was to just walk away - nobody needs shit like this.

T refuses to accept me not wanting to get married. His dad is somewhat of a loose cannon and can go off at any time. He keeps telling me to ignore him. He told his dad that he just blew everything out of proportion and now everything is in a mess. I am weary. I always thought that his dad is my ally, my friend.

It kind of just makes everything a little bitter. Weddings are supposed to be such fun and the planning is filled with excitement and anticipation - this just tarnishes everything.

Oh and another little shocker - my aunt, the one who is throwing me a bridal shower this weekend, has just been diagnosed with cancer....

I have no words!