The Ex Files

Hmmmm

So the ex boyfriend has decided that he wants me and has been trying in vain to get me to on a date with him. This is someone who I don't think very highly off, who broke my heart and left it out to dry and who was the most self-centred man I have ever me. He knows very well that I am attached, but that is just the type of person he is. A scaly, slithering snake who wants what he can't have until he has it. How typically male.

Just chatting to him last night made me realise what an absolute gem T. T makes the ex look like a total loser. Last night's conversation transported me back to all those times when he made my life an absolute misery. When his horrible attitude towards relationships tarnished my attitude and made me insecure and untrusting. Yes I don't mind being friends with him - but I know him too well. If he can't be anything more than friends he will vanish off the face of the earth. This has happened so many times before.

I met the ex when I was in matric. It's a long time ago but somethings one doesn't forget. He was older than me, already working and seemed so mature compared to the boys my age. We started dating and it was fun and exciting. At 17 there are only few things on your mind, like fun and dating and excitement. Well it was all that in the beginning and than a few months later I think he got tired and broke up with me. I really really liked him and was devastated. However this loser decided that although he didn't want me, he still wanted to be very much a part of my life. Our relationship bordered on a fews weeks on and a few weeks off. He would call and I would drop everything just for him. I was young, dumb and naive.

There were periods of delicious highs and crushing lows. I would be ecstatic the one day and down in the dumps the next. I started university and although there were numerous dates and potentials, he had such a hold over me that all I wanted was him. This on-off relationship continued for 2 years. All I wanted was to be with him and all he wanted was to have me on the side while he played around wherever he felt like. It was a miserable time and what was supposed to be a fun and carefree time in my life turned out to be a neurotic, unsure and insecure experience. Things finally came to a head when I moved away from H. He still thought that he could continue with the "relationship" that we had, however things were not as easy. I didn't live just down the road anymore.

And than I met T. I finally decided to give someone else a chance and the experience from the beginning was so different. If T said he was going to call - he would. He never stood me up on dates and was always there whenever I needed him. Looking back, I realise that the relationship with the ex wasn't what anyone can even call a relationship.

I must admit that the experience did leave me insecure and untrusting. I battled when T and I got together but him being the patient and sweet soul that he is - I overcame them. It wasnt easy cos in my mind every guy was like the ex. Out to hurt me!

Over the years the ex has tried in vain to make contact with me and to get me to go out with him. I have refused. He would call in the wee hours of the night and expect me to talk to him. He would text and ask me out on dates. I refused. He stopped calling me after a while and that was the end of him. Last year when T and I were broken up he sms'd me and I was so out of it that I just ignored it. Again - he wanted to go out with me.

I am shocked at myself - a few years ago I would have given anything for him to say that he wants me and wants to be with me. And now - I dont care. He is a loser and needs to get a life. He is 29 years old and has no direction. Chatting to him last night made me realise what I have going for me and how T makes me so much happier than the ex ever could.

I don't mind being his friend. I dont feel a thing for him. But I know very well that he is not capable of being just friends. He wants more and if he can't get what he wants than he will run for the hills. I frankly don't care.......