Wednesday, March 05, 2008

The Ex Files


So the ex boyfriend has decided that he wants me and has been trying in vain to get me to on a date with him. This is someone who I don't think very highly off, who broke my heart and left it out to dry and who was the most self-centred man I have ever me. He knows very well that I am attached, but that is just the type of person he is. A scaly, slithering snake who wants what he can't have until he has it. How typically male.

Just chatting to him last night made me realise what an absolute gem T. T makes the ex look like a total loser. Last night's conversation transported me back to all those times when he made my life an absolute misery. When his horrible attitude towards relationships tarnished my attitude and made me insecure and untrusting. Yes I don't mind being friends with him - but I know him too well. If he can't be anything more than friends he will vanish off the face of the earth. This has happened so many times before.

I met the ex when I was in matric. It's a long time ago but somethings one doesn't forget. He was older than me, already working and seemed so mature compared to the boys my age. We started dating and it was fun and exciting. At 17 there are only few things on your mind, like fun and dating and excitement. Well it was all that in the beginning and than a few months later I think he got tired and broke up with me. I really really liked him and was devastated. However this loser decided that although he didn't want me, he still wanted to be very much a part of my life. Our relationship bordered on a fews weeks on and a few weeks off. He would call and I would drop everything just for him. I was young, dumb and naive.

There were periods of delicious highs and crushing lows. I would be ecstatic the one day and down in the dumps the next. I started university and although there were numerous dates and potentials, he had such a hold over me that all I wanted was him. This on-off relationship continued for 2 years. All I wanted was to be with him and all he wanted was to have me on the side while he played around wherever he felt like. It was a miserable time and what was supposed to be a fun and carefree time in my life turned out to be a neurotic, unsure and insecure experience. Things finally came to a head when I moved away from H. He still thought that he could continue with the "relationship" that we had, however things were not as easy. I didn't live just down the road anymore.

And than I met T. I finally decided to give someone else a chance and the experience from the beginning was so different. If T said he was going to call - he would. He never stood me up on dates and was always there whenever I needed him. Looking back, I realise that the relationship with the ex wasn't what anyone can even call a relationship.

I must admit that the experience did leave me insecure and untrusting. I battled when T and I got together but him being the patient and sweet soul that he is - I overcame them. It wasnt easy cos in my mind every guy was like the ex. Out to hurt me!

Over the years the ex has tried in vain to make contact with me and to get me to go out with him. I have refused. He would call in the wee hours of the night and expect me to talk to him. He would text and ask me out on dates. I refused. He stopped calling me after a while and that was the end of him. Last year when T and I were broken up he sms'd me and I was so out of it that I just ignored it. Again - he wanted to go out with me.

I am shocked at myself - a few years ago I would have given anything for him to say that he wants me and wants to be with me. And now - I dont care. He is a loser and needs to get a life. He is 29 years old and has no direction. Chatting to him last night made me realise what I have going for me and how T makes me so much happier than the ex ever could.

I don't mind being his friend. I dont feel a thing for him. But I know very well that he is not capable of being just friends. He wants more and if he can't get what he wants than he will run for the hills. I frankly don't care.......


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you got out of that relationship and that everything between you and T is okay again! :)

Blue Sunflower said...



That was a toxic relationship that just put me down...

Im also glad that things are ok btw T and I.

Glad that things are ok between you and J again too....

sweets said...

your ex sounds exactly like my ex... my ex husband... imagine being married to a guy like that... sheesh i too was naive... and now... now i'm just cynical, pity ;)

Blue Sunflower said...

Yip scary thoughts. Men are such confusing creatures.

Dont be cynical - they not all bad. Well i think they not...

saaleha. bamjee. hyphen. said...

We learn so much as we go on don't we?
I recently went through my old diaries and they all seemed to have been written by different people; people I would have written off as insecure, needy and neurotic.
But I realised I had to go through all those awful lows and silly highs with ill-conceived crushes and awful ex's, to reach this point right now.
Life's beautiful like that.

Blue Sunflower said...

Hey Saleha

You are so right. I also like reflecting by reading past journal entries and its amazing the different hats that we wear.

But its all about growing up and learning in this thing called life.....

Caz said...

Hey lady! Thanks for visiting my blog :)

WOW your ex and mine are pretty similar - same story for me: Met him in matric, fell head over heels. was complete emotional rollercoaster for 2 years and then it was over. But as soon as things got serious for me and my man he was back trying his luck.

I'm married now and he STILL tries his luck now and then. How tacky is that?? The sad thing is that all the misery you wish upon them when they break your heart kind of happens!! Feel a bit bad now, think he is really unhappy, but still... i can't be his saviour!!

Anyway lady, don't stress too much about the fights with T... golden rules for engaged girls:

1. Engagement is not fun like you expect it to be - it is majorly tense and stressful and that is normal

2. The guest list is possibly one of the worst things you'll have to do - esp if you guys are popular :)

3. (the good news is that) you can cross off rule one is you manage to realise (amid all the hype) that the wedding is only ONE DAY and that the really exciting thing is the marriage that follows. and believe me, marriage is 100 times what you expect. Been married 2 years and it gets better and better!!

4. No matter what happens, if you love your man and he loves you, your wedding day will be the most incredible day of your life!

So don't take all the engagement dramas too seriously - indulge in being spoilt and the dress and undies and all, and delegate all the boring other stuff :)

Blue Sunflower said...

Hey Caz

Thanks for the really lovely words. The stressful dramas were enough to drive me to think otherwise. But I have decided to keep perspective and not lose the plot totally. Its supposed to be fun and exciting, not stressful and tense. Thanks again.

The ex is such a loser and yes all the bad things that you wish for them somehow happens. Karma - I tell you. He is unhappy, seems to have no direction. Before in the past I would gloat. Cos he wanted me and I so didnt want him and now the tables were turned. But now I frankly just dont care...

Ex's I guess they make our past's that little more colourful. LOL.

I love reading your blog - and thanks for being an inspiration by saying that things can only get better. At least it eases some of the butterflies... :)


Vimbai said...

When an ex comes hollaring, and usually the do...stressing how good everything was and conveniently leaving out what was bad and what led to the end...that's what my girls and i call, B.C.B's = Baby Come Back's!

To paraphrase Alicia Keys, "It's called the past 'cause i'm getting past and i'm nothing like i was before."

PS Love your blog :-)

Blue Sunflower said...

Hey Vimbai.

A truer word could not have been said...

I love it: B.C.B's - LOL.

Thanks love reading your blog too

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's safe to comment! :))