Monday, January 07, 2008

New Beginnings

Today is officially the first day of 2008 for me. Today is my first day back at work and although I wasnt really looking forward to it, im glad to be back. I really wanted to post an end of year posting reflecting back on the past year and highlighting the happenings, the should have's and most importantly the learnings. However I was just too busy to get anything written down. Although I'm glad to be back, i know that I really have to sit and decide the direction that I want to take with regards to my career. If I don't another year will pass me by and I will be sitting in the same boat saying the same old story.

I must admit that I am feeling rather excited and rejuvenated about the year ahead. It's a far cry from last year when I came back and felt the year stretching ahead of me with little happiness or anything to look forward to. I should be thankful and I am grateful. It's been a hectic couple of weeks and I cant believe that I was away for 3 weeks. Although it seems like a long time, it wasn't. There was just too much to do and too much happenings to take note of the days sliding by.

I left this place on the 14th of December full of excitement, because I was leaving for Durban the next day. My holiday was lovely, except for some crappy weather some days, it was brilliant. We relaxed and did our own thing and came back feeling really great. Im glad I got to treat my mother, she really needed this break and its amazing what the sun and the sea and that glorious feeling of the sand between your toes can do for a person. We came back on the 20th and had 4 days to prepare for Sweets to come back. However in all that I still had to tell my mother that he and I were planning on getting engaged when he came back. I didnt tell her in the nicest of ways and I think she imagined the worst possible situation. I think I shocked her more than anything else and in hindsight maybe I could have handled it a tad bit better. Sweets landed on Christmas Day and what a different day it turned out to be compared to the one of last year. Somehow it seemed that things had come full circle. Who thought that come Christmas 2007 things would be so different. But different in a good way.

We have been spending a great amount of time together, there seems to be so much to discuss and talk about. There is talk about where we going to live and what happens next and blah, blah, blah. Its all the not nice things to discuss, but we have to in order to know where we each stand on issues like that. Im glad that we talking about things like that and I am surprised at his insight and is thinking. I didnt think that T and I would ever be able to sit and discuss serious important issues and I think that is what got me getting scared in the first place. However we did and although its not all sorted we getting there.

I find myself getting excited with planning a wedding and stuff but at times I feel a tad bit bad. Its a huge burden on my mum and I know she will want the best for me. Things could have been so different but I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens.

There is a great deal to think about my career and where the hell I want to go with it. I dont know what I want to do and whether I am in the right field. While I was at varsity I loved what I was studying and could clearly envisage working in that field. However things panned out a little differently and I find myself often confused about the path I want to take. I want to do something that I love, something that will make me have a purpose and something that will allow me the freedom to really want to get up in the morning. I often look at others who enjoy their jobs with a envy. Not envy in a bad sense, just that I wonder if I will ever be like that. Im crossing my fingers that i will be able to make the right decisions and end up being happy.

So the year stretches ahead of me, I feel that I need to do something, anything. But what is the question. I know that there are endless opportunities out there and I just need to find them. I also pray a lot that things will get better. There just seems like there is so much to do and one doesnt know where to start.....

A new year, new beginnings and excitement - that is how I feel.............

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