Scribblings

I am not a very happy camper this morning. See, I love summer. The warm summer sun, the lovely balmy nights with the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking. I don't mind those hot summer days where the sky is bluer than blue and the sun is shining. I am tired of the drabby clouds and the rain and cold. First of all I couldnt decide what to wear this morning. I want to wear sandals and shorts and wispy dresses and skirts. But I am forever cold and with the cold weather I will just be a frozen iceblock the whole day. So its a jersey and to be honest I am thinking I really should have worn some socks today. I so dont like the cold. Summer, where are you?????

I am beginning to think that every man who I want to be friends with - just wants something else. Had a bit of a weird experience yesterday with someone who used to work here and has now left to go to another company. I mean hello - I thought this was my friend. Someone who I could talk to about anything ranging from work dilemmas and frustrations to the dramatic antics of my relationship with T. I am really trying to act nonchalent about it and maybe it is all just in my imagination - but its freaky and weird. I have never been able to be friends with a guy - without them always wanting more. How shitty. I think that is why I found it so hard to understand that T is friends and just friends with a girl.

T leaves for overseas in about a weeks time. He is going away for 6 weeks. I am really going to miss him. Things between us have really blossomed and although we often talk about the shitty past few months there seems to be a new found respect and maturity between us. I honestly think that the whole breakup no matter how painful and horrible, was actually an experience that led us to becoming better people. There is a sense of maturity, more consideration for each other and just an overall respect that had been lost between us. I am really glad that we gave each other another chance. Touch Wood - It seems to be working.

I must admit that I sometimes freak out and panic that things will go pear-shaped again. I think that is all about just keeping a clear head and not letting little things get to me. I know that in the past a lot of the issues were because of me having insecurity issues and hangups about past relationships. These were than projected into our relationship only to cause havoc and drama. I am really trying to not let any past hang-ups affect me because T is really special and one a kind. The few months where things were so shitty and crappy between and I really didnt know what was going to happen next gave me a lot of time to think and evaluate stuff. However I must admit that sometimes I still find myself overwhelmed by feelings of insecurity but I am working on it.....

I am being interviewed today for a senior position within my department. Its only a screening interview - but still I have to be prepared. Im a tad nervous, but the position will be a welcome change to what I am doing now. So yeah, I really am not sure how its going to pan out - to be honest im not to phased out about. It would be cool if it happens - because I am still as clueless as to where I want to go and what I want to be - but hey we'll see what happens. I am busy trying to organise our christmas function - the last two have been disastrous (thanks to lack of planning from the organisers side), so im really trying to make it special. Its funny how I enjoy planning and putting little things together........