Monday, November 12, 2007

Blue Monday Blues

I feel ill. Sick as in a blocked and runny nose and not to mention that drained and tired feeling. I feel awful. I dont know when its going to go away, I have been drugging myself with medication every night and day since last week. Some days its fine and than other days I feel like absolute shit. My weekend was busy, busy. On Saturday night I was invited to T's house for dinner. There were so many people and although I was really nervous to go, it was a really nice supper. I think I was more nervous about the fact that the people who had the most to say and actually contributed to the floundering of our relationship were going to be there. But I just put on my prettiest dress and my most adoring smile and pretended like I didnt care. The funny thing is that these are not people that even matter, it wasnt even his immediate family that felt they were justified in commenting in our life. So I just ignored people and rather focused on the people that do actually matter.

Yesterday I visited my nieces and nephew. It was 2 of their birthday's this weekend. I feel old when I see them growing up. I can still remember the day N was born. That was 9 years ago and I was in standard nine and a true rebel. I love giving presents as much as receiving them. I think the pure delight on someones face as they rip open the wrapping paper is reason enough for me to smile....

Today I woke up not feeling to grand and as the hours are rolling by am feeling more and more miserable. T leaves in a few hours time and I have just realised that I am going to miss him soooo much. I told him last night that you made me become so used to you again and I am really going to miss you. I think it has finally hit home that he is going. I know that he will be back, but still 6 weeks is a long time. I am also feeling a bit out of sync, not sure why. I feel listless and devoid of any energy.

Crumbs why wasnt the weekend longer.

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