Drama and Disappointments

There was huge drama at house no 2 last night. Screaming, shouting - one big barney. I am just so tired and disappointed. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore and to be honest I am really trying not to freaking care. There is just too much policitics, too many ulterior motives and too many dramatics that can make your head spin.

Sweets and I are supposed to set a date for the engagement party. It's supposed to happen sometime in March or April, depending on the availability of all parties concerned. It is not a religous function, but more traditional. So him and his dad were at house no 2 last night and we were discussing who to call etc. Now Sweet's dad, lets call him The Dad, is almost like my own father. He has been a part of my life even before Sweets and I got together and he knows my parents history and has been a part of my life ever since the day my dad left. I will rather go to him with a problem than go to my own father. He is the father figure in my life and I respect him and love him as if he were my own father. So naturally he will want to have a say etc in whatever we doing. I don't mind that. However last night went a little too far.

Sweets and I had this huge fight - he was getting irritated and pissed off with his dad and ended up throwing a tantrum like a 5 year old with me. It was pathetic and I ended up saying that if this is how you want to carry on - than I don't think I want to do this anymore. It was ugly and not nice. They than had their say and left.

I am so disappointed and have all these doubts and fears that are making me think 10 times about this. I am feeling so confused and am not sure what the way forward should be. I honestly thought that things were great and that we were moving towards a more mature relationship. But last night just put a damper on everything and I am really not sure about anything anymore.

I am just so disappointed and feel so defeated. I keep reflecting back to the past year that was. I was convinced that him and I were over and I had to move on and get on with my life. And I was prepared to do just that. And than he came back and we started over and things were pretty perfect. But after last night - I am two-minded, I am getting cold feet and I am confused.