I came in to work this morning and it was as if this dark cloud settled over me. I ended up having an argument with Sweets and than ended up fighting with my mum. I was miserable. I had like a ton of things to do and lo and behold to add to my mood my first meeting went as pear-shaped as can be. The Clueless Lady who is supposed to do all my admin, the clueless, crazy one messed up the appointment. I was so embarrassed and apologised profusely. Luckily the lady who were meeting is one of the nicest execs and she was so fine with it. But still, talk about credibility gone wrong.
The rest of the morning's meetings went fine at least. However I came back to my desk only to find an email from someone that really ticked me off. I think I was about to burst into tears. I was feeling overwhelmed and irritated and the mounting pressure to complete everything before I move is getting to me. I decided to take some time out and went for lunch with girls from my department and at least when we came back I was feeling better.
I came to a funny conclusion today. I think my boss deliberately encouraged me to apply for positions in order to get rid of me. The reason - I have heard through the grapevine and to be honest the going on's of late is making me think that the grape vine is spot on for once. She has someone in mind for her position. She is grooming a successor - a mere nobody who started in our department not even a year ago. She is loud and overbearing and clueless. I don't really care, I don't even know if I would have wanted her job should she have left but I have been here for a really long time, have built a credible reputation and practically know the processes in and out. I did find it funny when my boss decided to discuss future career plans with me. When I voiced my concerns and fears and wanting more of a challenge she jumped at the chance to encourage me to apply. I found it strange that all of a sudden she was encouraging me to apply when every time I applied for positions internally she fought tooth and nail to get me to stay by offering me more money, more senior positions and even the odd blocking of applications. So why suddenly was she so happy for me to apply and gain exposure and get more experience.
Yes ok, if it wasnt for her I probably would have still been sitting on my fat behind procrastinating about what to do, where to go and all the time complaining my lungs about the department that I work in. So I should thank her. She has earmarked her friend, someone who she headhunted from somewhere else to succeed her. Well whatever - I think that it is in poor taste my boss has gone out of her way to get rid of all the people who have shown potential and have the ability and credibility to be future managers. Sucks I know.
That said - The overwhelming feelings today made me feel all loserish and full of doubts and recriminations. It's made me cranky and miserable and I have ended up taking things out on Sweets. I wonder how he even puts up with me. I ended up having doubts about him which is so not how I feel. I just hope that the stresses that have been plaguing me for the past few days can dissipate and leave me to concentrate on what really matters.
I must admit that lunch away from the office was really good and it made me boost my spirits and feel human again. Not to mention that my 4 'o Clock meeting went off perfectly and things are looking brighter again......