Thursday, December 03, 2009

I am so tired

I miss the way life was, or could be. I miss being happy. I miss loving. I miss wanting to touch or be touched. I miss being treated right, asked rather than told. I miss being thought of as smart. I miss being listened to, being heard, talked to rather than screamed at. I miss my feelings being considered, not disregarded. I miss having my opinion count, being able to ask a question, being able to talk without trying to figure out how I should sound to not anger.

I miss my best friend!!!

I think its too late. Too much has been done and said. Too many other people's emotions and too many angered words. I left thinking that maybe the situation will be fixed. Im scared it can't be fixed, or that I am so angry, hurt, and broken, that I don't want it to be fixed. I want quiet, yet want to scream. I want to dance and see no fear, hear no tears. I want to stomp, not tiptoe. I want to cry, so that I can laugh. I want to know why and where to from here?

I miss you, I don't. I love you, but there is a huge BUT that comes thereafter. Why won't you fight for me? Why won't you stand up and be the man I thought you were. Is this how our love story ends?

I am so tired.....