They say that communication is key in every relationship. I believe in the advocacy of communication and am a firm believer that communication is key and through communicating problems can be resolved etc etc etc.
Why can't T and I communicate. Why is it that every time I tried to broach the subject regarding the issues we were having, he stone-walled me? Did I go about it the wrong way, did I get too emotional or can we just not communicate. Yet T and I have a history of roughly about 8 years. How the hell did we get past 8 years if we can't communicate. I think back to exchanges, heated debates and arguments and scenarios play around in my head. Did we communicate or was it all just a farce. It all seems very blurry to me.
I know that every day that passes is just making it harder to communicate about what happened. I keep thinking is the final word in our relationship where everyone else got to decide and it's over. I also feel that if T doesn't want me anymore I would like to hear it from him. I need closure of some sort and this wondering and what if game is driving me nuts. I have been thinking that maybe I need to call him, ask him what the hell he wants and take it from there. It's as simple as that. However with T nothing is simple and I don't even know if I will get any answers from him. Maybe I shouldn't expect a proper answer but rather let it work from there and than decide. But than I am conflicted by all these emotions. Why do I have to call him? Why can't he call me? What about all that he has done to me and am I willing to forgive and forget about all that's happened. I feel scared of the outcome. Am I prepared to face the rejection? Maybe knowing is better than not knowing. Than there is the issue of should I call, text or email. Calling can lead to an argument if he stone-walls me again, but than at least I can have some sort of an indication of what he is thinking. Texts or emails can be ignored plain down and the waiting and not knowing will just continue. What to do, what to do? Why can't things be easy.
I guess it all boils down to making that decision, sticking by it and than accepting the outcome.