If ever I knew the meaning of the word blue Monday, it was yesterday. I woke up feeling really drained and the early morning sugar rush just left me feeling really crappy. And than the phone call when I got to work which really, really unnerved me. Yes T called wanting to see me. I was hard-assed, he was hard-assed and the entire conversation just sucked. He needs to see me about signing some papers. Nothing serious, just him wanting to sell his car which fortunately or unfortunately happens to be on my name. I agreed to see him in the afternoon since I was busy in the morning, so the entire day was spent in tense anxiety wondering how to act and how not to act. Well he didn't come and by the end of the day I was so tense that my entire body ached and all I wanted was my bed.
He called last night and I chose to rather stay away from any serious topics. He wants me to come back home, keeps telling me about all the stuff he's done etc etc etc. I just evaded the questions and it was more idle chit chat than anything else. I cannot remember when last T and I had a conversation like that. Lately it's all just been about fights and issues and drama. I guess repairing our relationship first is a start but am really not sure where his family still fits into all of this. I'm not gonna think to much of anything cos T can be all sweet and nice the one minute and nasty again the next. He has hurt me so much in these past few months and trusting him is really shaky ground for me.
However, it felt good last night to banter and chat like old times. I guess focusing on the present is more important than the future. I can feel the what if's brewing. Im gonna try to ignore them at best I can. The present - that's all I need to focus on now!