Thursday, February 18, 2010

Something for my new found fans.....

Hmmm - To all my new found fans.....

My previous blog post was about me. I needed to vent. Some new developments had occured and I needed to vent. I don't need to explain to anyone, as this is my blog. Yes it might be on the internet for all the world to see but this is my blog. My personal space to vent and write and put things into perspective. To me writing down what I am feeling is a catharsis and a means to understand the tumultous thoughts that constantly whirl through my mind. So to the anon's who feel quick to judge me, you don't know me. You don't know my life, you don't know what i've been through and what I continue to go through. So yes you are welcome to your opinions, I cannot stop that but YOU DON'T KNOW ME! You all talk about judging - so how come you judging me..... As I have said, this is my blog, my personal space so if I want to judge and vent and rant and rave - Guess What - I can.

I am a devout Muslim and I firmly believe in fate and destiny. I believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason and for me right now that reason is pretty hazy and fuzzy but I am confident that those reasons will eventually come to the fore and this drama will come to an end. I have faith in God and I have faith that this is just a test and this too shall pass. He is the Supreme Being and He controls everything. Yes I do feel sorry for myself, yes there are days when I feel that the world owes me something, and yes I do feel crap most of the time because I feel like I am fighting a war that never ends. Yet I try to carry on with the day, give thanks for all that I do have and continue to have faith in God that the sun will shine again. However I AM BUT HUMAN.....

Caz - Thanks lady. I always used to wonder if many people ever read my blog. I guess I got my answer now. Instead of lurking and placing anonymous comments why don't they own up and say what they have to say by signing their names. I know we all go through different trials in life, but the pain and the hurt is all the same. And yes, people who cannot understand it probably never had to go through a tough time or are just bitter and full of resentment.

Anon 3 (Tal) - Thanks for always commenting. Your thoughts and insights are always welcoming....

Cassey - Thanks for the support....

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

No one is judging you, lady. Sheesh, you are a pain and half.

cassey said...

No prob lady, hope you have a good day :)

Anonymous said...

Where's my comment?why not printed?

Anonymous said...

Ur life is upside down,dont blame the anonymous commenters,or God,blame urself-u disobeyd Allah,had boyfriend,went out alone wd non-mahram boy,dating etc, then how do u expect a happy marriage?? Grow up,MAKE TAUBAH,AND CHANGE UR LIFE...

Edge Of Where said...

Jeez man some people I will never understand. If they were really so convinced of their convictions they wouldnt remain faceless while commenting.

Anonymous said...

GOD "anonymous", you are so uh, brave, coming here and judging someone who is in pain, that is not at all un-Islamic yes? I get it, misery loves company and makes your pathetic lives look a little better right? :)

For the record - many of my friends are the good-madrassah-girl type who didn't even entertain phone calls from non mahrams. They're divorced too. OOooH what, I wonder, was THEIR 'punishment' for? why don't you run back into your self-righteous holier-than-thou cave?

Anyway, to the blogger, I am so sorry for the way things went. It must be painful. But there is something you can try... make yourself strong, inshaAllah. and yes, making dua does help.
Read "hasbunallahu wa ni'mal wakeel" and "innallaha ma'assaw-bireen". Remember Allah doesn't give us what we can't handle. And in surah al-inshirah... there is an emphasis on the aayah, "So verily with every difficulty comes ease/ Verily with every difficulty comes ease."

It's hard, but Allah will be there for us if we turn to Him, practice patience, cry to Him, and stop expecting people to be there for us. Not that we should become cold and hard-hearted to the idea of relationships with people but we need focus in this very materialistic world of ours. Sometimes, He puts us through these hardships to bring us closer to Him. inshaAllah it is easy for you and all of us, aameen.
H

Anonymous said...

To anonymous T- but Blue went out wd her so calld boyfriend for 8years b4 marriage...didnt she know him and his family inside/out hundred percent by den...

Anonymous said...

oh i was the first anon commentator, my name is Shenaz. Blue is nothing but a little confused girl who behaved in fairytales and oh poor her it didn't work out! Suck it up girl!

Anonymous said...

shenaz what's your full name? fb profile? blog? twitter?

Anonymous said...

Shenaz Mayet From Dundee Natal

Blue Sunflower said...

Cassey - thanks I had a great day yesterday. These nasty anon comments have given me something to laugh about....

Edge of where - thanks. I totally agree with you. Nameless, faceless cowards.

Anon who signed your name H - thanks for the inspiration and duas...

Shenaz Mayet and to all all other anon comments - What the Fuck Ever!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is getting ugly, Blue has a very good point in this post that you guys are judging her, so whoever left the comment in the previous post its a bit hypocritical. Anyways, please just let her be, there is no need to leave negative comments, she is going through a hard time and if you dont agree with her opinions etc then just dont come to her blog and read her posts, leave her in peace.

And yes Anon she may have dated the guy for 8 years but things change once people get married, even after 8 years, the true sides to people are revealed, I've seen it happen alot. Also living with the in-laws changed the relationship.

Blue - thanks for the comment to me :) I fully support you, you have done nothing wrong and anyone who has been through a bad break up can relate to you. I'm sorry you have to read some of these comments, dont let them get to you, those people are not living your life and they dont know everything that goes on, so their comments are meaningless, just brush them off. Stay strong girl.

-Tal

cassey said...

Blue, yay for having a great day. Just ignore the nameless idiots who can dish it out, but not take it.

angel said...

Girl, you are fully entitled to throw your toys out of the cot here!
I do hope things will start looking up for you soon...

Blue Sunflower said...

Thanks Angel.... Some people think that they have a right to slander and blast me for having an opinion.... I don't care...

Thanks again....

Azra said...

Blue, Your life will play out according to what Allah SWT wants. You know that, I don't need to tell you.

What you need to do - and what we the general public need to do - is learn from each other's mistakes. These things happen for a reason, and there's always a lesson.

So instead of jumping to conclusions and slandering her, I suggest that all commentators who have an issue with what Blue has to say, refrain from visiting her blog in the future.

Some of us blog to express our opinions, anger, thoughts AT THAT SPECIFIC POINT IN TIME. It's not always up for discussion. Your commentary is not always desired nor required. And no one is holding a gun to your head to come here.

If we can help Blue in a positive and inspirational manner, than we should. Blogger is not a playground for bullies. Blue is well aware of her actions, she knows exactly what she has done or not done to be in the position she's in today. And only she will be answerable for that, like the rest of us will have to answer for our sins.

It's none of our business to make assumptions about what she did in her life, and we have NO BUSINESS playing God by condemning her actions. Look at your own lives and improve on your own actions instead of going around and being nasty.

Again, Blue has her lessons to learn in her own time. That is Allah SWT's job, His work. And InshaAllah, she will get the hidayat she needs when the time is right.

Don't play God people, He is not your friend, and you will have to answer for that too.

Blue Sunflower said...

Amen to that. Thanks Azra :)

Caz said...

Hey - whats a mahram?

It may be worth turning on comment moderation. I know it's a bit annoying, but better than having your blog reduced to some kind of virtual cat fight surely?

Thinking of you lady and hope it all works out.

Mother Theresa said this (actually I'm not entirely sure it is comforting!! but anyway...)
"God never gives me more than I can handle, I just wish he didnt trust me so much".

That's certainly how i feel. But in reality I don't think God causes bad things... God is good. He allows bad things some times because we live in a fallen world, but He NEVER wills them. I believe that when I am hurting he (like my earthly dad) is hurting all the more to see me in pain. I do believe that he uses all things "for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purposes" but it takes trusting him thru the bad times i guess.... something which I am trying very very hard to learn.

*thinking of you*

Mary Knot said...

slms. so this is the first time i came upon your blog, and i read it idly at first... thinking your venting was just- a usual pms-ack someone-is-so-irritating rant. and then found out how wrong i was...
i dont know why your marriage has broken up...or if its still on that edge, deciding whether to shatter or not.but i Can tell you this- all that anger and resentment... all those times when you just want to scrape your nails down someones face and kick the wall in and scream until something cracks...well. those times will pass.
i left my marraige confused. and secretly furious at Allah. i couldnt understand how i had failed.how was it possible? i Never went on a damned date. I never had a boyfriend.. never went to a club...never dressed indecently...never gave out my number, for heavens sake!(and all this whilst temptation leered at me and blew smoke rings in my face.)
so when my marriage failed, i felt so Horridly cheated.Because thats not the way its supposed to be. what was the point in ...being a bloody saint if i cant get Some good in this world?i ...had really believed in that aayat in surah arrahman. that good will always beget good.
but suddenly- i wasnt sure.
there was so much of pain... and it didnt have an answer. and..where was the good?WHERE?cos if its all kept for the hereafter...by the time i get there, ill be a bitter old bitch going the other way. i ...didnt think i could take anymore.
there. i said it. thats how i felt. i dont feel the same now.
but thats what i felt at the time. used and angry and... CHEATED. and its taken me time to- not feel bile in my throat. to get that... perhaps this whole skewed relationship really Was for the best.i was lucky to not have my heart broken. ive lost my reputation and my dignity -cos Ex is playing to the crowd and pretending to be the victim...because he usually looks it, no one bothers to question the veractiy of his statements. and my parents hurt for me. thats the worst. that my divorce is a smear on their name. (and u know whats the funny thing? that i always took such pride that my behaviour would never shame my parents. that was the one thing i always held onto.)
and now im divorcee and it hurts me to think of what ppl say about my parents.id rather have them insulting me than thinking badly about my parents.
not sure if you went out with your hubby or not... i didnt.i was saving it all for the barakat of marriage.
andddd.. here i am. ten months later. divorced.
go figure.

so.
you want to rant a bit- go right ahead.
ill join you(partly moral support. partly because injustice takes long to digest...)

*hugs*

Blue Sunflower said...

Dear Mary Knot....

Can I be your friend Please?

You have said it..... At least somoeone knows how I feel.

Nasreen said...

I'v been thru da exact same thing, except it was 2 years. my childhood teachings of "Allah is always with you" is what got me thru and what still gets me thru each day. He is the only one who has been thru it all with me and he has a plan for me... We all are lyk da bible saying about being put through the heat of the fire so that god can shape us. Do'nt be negative- positivity is the only thing that helps you keep going.And be the best you can at all you do> I always thought I couldnt live without him. I'm surprising myself evry day!Js kp praying and be good,dats wat rli counts at da end.

Blue Sunflower said...

Dearest Nasreen.

I tried looking for your blog but I dont think you have one. My sorry saga has also taken 2 years to come full circle. 2 years of raw pain and anguish that you have to endure. And right only Allah is with you every step of the way through the darkness and bitter feelings. Trust me every single day is a step forward to something better. It's not an easy path and one I wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy but with Allah by your side you can only be victorious. Drop me a mail if you want to chat....