Monday, November 20, 2006

Who Knows

My weekend was one of confusion and misery. I really dont know what to think anymore. What does you do, if you have someone who is interfering in your relationship. Deep down you know that there is some or other being who is making things rather awry, but you cant say anything cos you dont have proof. Im so tired of this crap. I told T last night, that if you want out, by all means go. I am not going to keep you. I have learnt something the hard way, you cant make someone love you and you cant make someone stay with you if they dont want to. He is adamant that he wants to stay and wants to be with me. My question is that how can things go on like this. I feel so weak willed, as if i dont have any willpower.

I cried alot this weekend. I feel so sad about the sorry state of mine and T's relationship. We had this beautiful thing going on. We totally understood each other. T would never want me to be upset and if I was, he would go to the ends of the earth to make things right. If I was upset with him, he would call a 1000 times until I answered the phone, he would text and call and come to my place, play music and ultimately make an absolute nuisiance of himself. I could never stay angry with him.

I am sad that it looks as though he has changed into a different person. All we do is fight, he rants, I rave and the both of us just go on and on for eternity. I feel so lost without him. I wander aimlessly around the house, with nothing to do. I have started reading again, which is cool. T never wanted me to read when he was around, I had to focus all my energies on him and by the time he left to go home, I just plonked into bed too tired to care. I keep on reminiscing about the times when we were truly happy. Our whole relationship fell apart because of other people's insecurities and a motor bike. The problem does not even concern us. I know he is miserable where he is. He has become a victim of his own misery. I didnt say, dont visit me and dont spend time with me, that was his own doing and him believing and listening to people that have no business minding our business.

This whole thing is such a mess. I dont even know if we will be able to move past this.

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