How bad can things get

So things have been pretty awry of late. I cant begin to decipher what the fuck is going on. There are so many questions just zooming through my head and I constantly find myself wrestling with thoughts and emotions that are making me pretty miserable. Things between the bf and me are pretty shitty at the moment. I cant seem to understand what the hell is going on. We had the mother of all fights last night. Infact thats all we have been doing lately. I cant begin to understand what the hell is going on.

All this shite began like 3 weeks ago. Instead of things getting better, they have just gotten progressively worst. It is like a sick game and we are the pawns just being moved across a chess board. I am disgusted at how grown adults can carry on like this. I am amazed at the sheer audacity of people who feel fit enought to comment in my life, as though they are apart of it. The last that my man has come to my house to visit me was on the 17th of October. And on that day, he was so ill, he fell asleep on my bed and trekked home when he realized that he was too ill and needed to get home. That was the last that he visited me. We have spent some time together after that, but I am so used to him visiting me and spending time with me.

What really gets to me is that if this relationship is over, than why does he call me and why does he still tell me he loves me and misses me. My whole fight is that how can you tell someone that you love them and miss them but you dont even visit or rather make a recognised effort to see them. Granted he has been here to see me at work a few times, but that is so underrated.

so yeah, im pretty miserable, I cant help but feel this way and my stupid assed bf cannot see my point I cried last night, bawled over the phone, like really bawled and he has the nerve and the audacity to tell me not to cry. I feel so helpless, it feels like the world is conspiring against me and I am the biggest joke.