Woes....

I don't know. To be quite honest I am not in a very good space right now. I keep saying I don't care and it's not my problem or its not my family so why should I bother - but honestly I can't seem to move past it and I can't seem to understand why. I am so not like this but....

The Band's sister is pregnant and I supposedly don't know about it. I only know whatever he has told me and that isn't much anymore. Initially when she told him, he seemed really worried about the dad's reaction and we spoke about it and he was really confused about how this all came about. Than about 2 weeks ago the bombshell dropped and nothing. The disaster that we predicted didn't happen, infact quite the opposite. The Band told me that his dad is upset about this but he feels that now at least he will have his own grandchildren instead of spoiling others. The band than one evening very proudly commented that he is going to be an uncle and can't wait to buy the baby fancy branded name clothes. That was when I made a pact with myself not to discuss this with the Band any longer.

I did't want to know what was happening. It sickened me. I don't have anything against single moms or having children out of wedlock. Please I do not have my head buried in the sand but these are people who are quick to comment and judge on other people. They have no qualms about jibing at others, blabbering an opinion or merely just discussing any body who they feel like discussing for the moment. The mum as soon as she sees me will fill me in on everyone's gossip. Like I honestly care. I just felt that I couldn't share the band's excitement because it goes against what I believe in. Besides if she has someone serious, shouldn't she bring him home and maybe get married. Nobody knows, or maybe I just dont know who the father is. Yet she keeps proclaiming to work late - when isn't that excuse is what got her knocked up in the first place. Maybe I am old-fashioned or old school but it just doesn't sit right with me.

Nobody has mentioned a word since all was revealed. I supposedly don't know. To be quite honest, I feel like an outsider. Umm hello what do they think that I don't know anything, that the band and I dont communicate. The band doesn't really say anything anymore either. It is like a non-event in our life and yet he is always hovvering over his sister like she is some fragile doll. I know I shouldn't care. It's got nothing to do with me but what about principles. Do I as a member of their family not have a right to know and what happens when she starts showing. How do they explain that one?

I feel like an outsider.