De-Motivated...

Why are there days when I have so much to do, that I barely come up for air and than there are days when I have absolutely nothing to do. The days drags and I do feel useless and totally unproductive. I am really seeking or rather searching for something and to be quite honest I am struggling a bit. Work for some time now has been really challenging for me. I must admit that although I enjoy a challenge and actually do quite well under pressure, I feel very demotivated. I really feel that I need to do something different, something that will not only challenge me but will also stimulate me. Why can't I be one of those lucky one's who say I love my job.

I was convinced yesterday that I was pregnant. The monthly crimson wave was 3 days late and I had convinced myself and my mother that this was the case. I even bought a home test but than this morning all was revealed and it so happens that I am not pregnant. To be quite honest, I don't feel ready for that just right now.

So although I feigned an illness on Saturday, nobody ended up going to the Party, so at least I didn't have to pretend that I was having a fabulous time. Sunday T and I spent around Sandton City. It was fun and a lazy day.

I feel very de-motivated when it comes to work..... Too many happenings and a boss who doesn't seem to really care is what is frustrating me at the moment. How much more harder must I try??????

A little piece of heaven....

Yippeee

I couldn't believe my luck yesterday. I was soooo ecstatic that I could have hugged and kissed the man that totally threw me for a six. A few months ago I had curtains made for my house. I needed curtains for my bathrooms and my kitchen. The Band's uncle is a whizz with curtains so I obviously went to him. They came out stunning, however silly and blonde old me measured the kitchen curtains incorrectly. When I measured, I wanted blinds and than when I got to the shop, I changed my mind and wanted those rod like curtain thingys with the rings.

Well when I collected them, they were too short. I could have cried that's how upset I was. I went back to him and luckily enough I had enough fabric to make a new set but I would have to pay for those rings and the making up off it. When uncle Freddy called me to say they are ready, he told me they were R600.00. I could have cried. I had already spend a fortune and now had to pay extra. I finally went to collect them yesterday and he told me it's fine, I don't owe him anything. I could have hugged and kissed the man - that's how happy I was.

Now all the Band needs to do is drill the holes for the rods, so that I can hang them up......

Yippeee. Will post pics soon.

S.S.S

The more things change the more they stay the same. Work has been really crazy for me lately and although I have had some serious wins, the complaints are still around. Luckily for me I have proof, so I want to see the look on their faces but that's just how the cookie crumbles around here. They usually just shrug and say Oh Well. Instead a sorry I misunderstood etc would be more welcoming. I will however contine to try harder. I have to - even though many a time all I want to do is throw the towel in.

I am seriously on the look-out for an avenue that will allow me more flexibilty. I would like to have children pretty soon and I don't want to be away from them doing a nine to five day and only coming home at night all stressed out from the horrific day that was. However I don't want to also just sit at home doing nothing. I find myself getting quite stressed about that. I hope something works out pretty soon. I guess there is no such thing as a cookie cutter recipe for life. So I am hoping that things will fall into place. And with the stresses that really irritate me around here, I hope something happens sooner rather than later.

The Band and I watched 17 AGAIN on Sunday. It was brilliant - I am not sure when last I laughed so much. I would love to go and see Ghosts of Girlfriend's Past. Matthew McConaughy is my all time favourite and I love his movies. Hmmm will have to make time soon. I am invited to a Moulin Rouge theme party this weekend. It's some girls 21st birthday and I am invited along with MIL and the Band's sister. I feel like feighning an illness. I don't know the chick, infact neither do they. She is the niece of one off their acquaintances. How do you even know what to buy someone whom you've never met. Crumbs - How do I get out of this one.

As for stuff happening in the land of all things Blue and Sunflowery - I am just too stressed out at work and I am seriously wishing for a reprieve. Oh and that Winter seems to be here with a bang and I am wishing that I could be on some island with lots and lots of sun, sea and sunshine....

Update

I have been meaning to update my blog this whole week but to be honest I am really not sure where the week has gone to. I have been super busy - with what - I really am not sure. I felt quite depressed coming in to work on Monday morning. The holiday feeling was over and it was time to get serious.

My weekend in Durban was OK! Nothing wow infact at times pretty dismal. I just sucked it up and made lemonade out of the lemons that were aplenty. We left on Thursday afternoon and got to Durbs at around 9pm. The traffic was horrendous and it took forever to get there. T's family have just purchased a holiday home in the South Coast of Durban. To be quite honest I am not sure what possessed them to buy a place like that. It is in a townhouse complex, has 3 bedrooms, an open plan dining room and kitchen, one bathroom and a little yard. It is shabby and looks old and there is a lot of work to be done. I just feel that for the kind of money that they spent, they could have bought something more modern. I wonder what drove that decision.

Unfortunately that's how his mum and sister are. They probably thinking they bought a place so luxurious that it rivals a top hotel. It was cramped and I told T that it feels like I went camping for the weekend only difference there was a toilet and bathroom available. We really had to rough it up and I made up my mind on the day that we left - I wont be coming down here in a hurry. I said a silent prayer hoping that I wouldn't have to come back here again.

Besides the place being really crappy, the company was even worse. Their family dynamic is really weird. They are mean to each other, criticise whenever they see fit, argue and bicker all the time and still believe they are one big happy family. It was quite startling to watch T interact with his family. He prefers to stay quite and not say anything. The bickering can be quite annoying and my MIL's high handedness can be trying at the best of times. Ok but there were a few moments when T and I went off on our own so it wasn't all that bad. But - Family Holidays with the in-laws are just not for me.

This past week hasn't been that bad. Usually there are a million complaints and although I feel a tad bit positive I am scared to feel this way because there are always things that go wrong when you least expect it. This job has proven to be frustrating and rewarding at the same time. A bit tiresome if you ask me.

I'm glad it's the weekend......