Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Mixed Feelings

Its work and work and more work. There are deadlines and projects to hand in and workshops to attend and all this before next week Friday. I cant wait but a part of me is a little worried about whats going to happen here. Its not like things are going to stop - Oh No. I have to hand things over to someone here and I know that she is capable its just that some of the tasks ahead are somewhat near impossible. But come next week Friday I will be smiling cos I leave to go on holiday on Saturday and that is the fun part. I cant wait.

I remember only too well the feelings last year. T and I were on a warpath. It was the beginning of the end for us and I began my holiday with mixed feelings. I was happy that I would be away from here but I was also skeptical because T and I were on such a rocky road. Looking back, I still cant believe that the year is almost over. I can still remember coming back to work in January with a bright smile but all broken up and hurt inside. Looking back this wasnt a very nice year. Yes ive grown up and learnt some lessons that one actually wants to learn but the pain and the heartache and the confusion is something that I would not want to go through again. I know that there were many key players that contributed to the floundering of mine and T's relationship and i know that most of them thought great this is it. Its funny how people seem to thrive on other's misery. However who's having the last laugh now. And the shocked faces on everyone's faces was just good enough for me.

I still haven't told my mother about T and my plans to get engaged. T asked me to marry him a whole long while ago. But we have to make things official with our families. Well he's told them and Ive told my brother. I need to work up the courage to tell her. I think she knows that its going to happen, she is just not expecting it. My mother has been through so much drama over the past year as well that I dont want to alarm her. I think with things going so awry in her life she just wants the best for me and who can blame her. So its picking up the courage to tell her and although she will be thrilled I know that a little part of her is going to be sad.

I cant wait for T to come back. I cant believe how quickly the days are going, but suddenly i feel very nostalgic. I miss him and i cant wait for him to come back. Its only 17 days and he will be back home. I just miss him sooo much. I dont have any plans this weekend and I think its making me miss him more.

No comments: